Posts Tagged ‘Happiness’

3 Small Steps to a Better Marriage

Monday, January 16th, 2012

Newlywed Love NoteHas your marriage hit an unexpected slump?  If so, now is not the time to give up. This is an opportunity to renew bonds and strengthen the relationship that led you down the aisle. All marriages hit rough patches. As people grow and change and meet different obstacles, new strains and stresses can be placed on a couple. While coping may be tough, these stressful times are what make your relationship stronger and help you get through even bigger challenges in years to come.

Actions Speak Louder than Words

When your relationship is feeling rocky, the first thing most women want to do is speak up about it, but that is not always the best thing to do. When tempers are already on a short leash because of earlier arguments, tension is high because of outside stresses, or communication has simply run dry, talking about it might add fuel to the fire.  Consider instead the ways that you can say what you feel without opening your mouth (it helps to envision how to communicate with a cave man).  Are you tired of fighting and just want your partner to know that you are willing to hold on? Then, perhaps the best way to say so is with an impromptu hug. Slow dancing, hand holding, rubbing shoulders, and other similar gestures have universal meaning and will very likely let  him know what you’re feeling.

Offer a Helping Hand

Perhaps one of the reasons that your spouse has been in a bad mood recently has more to do with outside pressures that it has to do with you. Perhaps he or she just needs a helping hand. Marriage is about team work, so show that you understand by helping with a small task, chore, or just offering some insightful advice when he or she is talking about problems at work. Taking the trash out might seem like a small thing…but it may mean a great deal to your stressed out spouse!  Knowing someone is in your corner can make any situation more bearable.

Create Love Tokens

Another great way to demonstrate your feelings without words is through small tokens. Handmade cards left in a place that he or she is sure to find them, lunch delivered to the office during the day, or even a message scribbled on the fogged over bathroom mirror are great wordless ways to show love and affection. Taking the time to make another person know that you are thinking about him or her is the best way to show how much you care. However, these ‘gifts’ tend to lose their meaning when only given after a fight. These are the things that should be done now and then and consistently throughout a relationship. They don’t have to be frequent and might occasionally be used to say sorry after an argument, but let them maintain their intended meaning. If you’re looking for a more tangible love token, we love these love stones at Red Envelope. They can be put in a coat pocket, desk drawer or even passed back and forth between you two.

Talk to us newlyweds.  What things have you done to boost your relationship during stressful times?  Did your spouse get the unspoken message you were trying to convey?  We’d love to hear from you in a comment!

Newlywed New Years Resolutions

Monday, January 2nd, 2012

Newlywed New Years ResolutionsCan you believe it’s 2012?  It’s a totally new year to be a newlywed!  Whether this will mark your first full year as a married couple, or if you’ve been married for a few years, New Year’s resolutions can be great for you and your marriage.

While it’s easy to make huge promises for 2012 (like working out 7 days a week or climbing Mount Everest), I find  making one or two small resolutions much more easy to implement throughout the entire year. Stumped on what resolutions to make for you and/or your marriage this year?  Here are a few ideas to get you started…

Resolutions for Your Marriage:

Say one nice thing about your spouse every day.

Schedule a bi-weekly date night.

Surprise your hubby once a month (be it a home made dinner or naughty lingerie).

Try a new hobby out together.

Be the wife you always thought you be (patient, kind, giving, fun, etc.).

Say something positive before you say something negative about his work/family/friends.

Resolutions for You:

Reserve 30 minutes for “you” every day.

Try a new gym class or fitness craze (it’s a great way to meet new friends & zap holiday pounds).

Make a monthly girls night schedule with your friends.

Smile at people you don’t know.

Be nice to yourself (it sounds crazy, but not being so hard on yourself relieves tons of stress).

Save up, and buy yourself the fabulous shoes you’ve been coveting!

Hopefully these ideas will act as springboards for your own 2012 resolutions.  Did you make any newlywed resolutions you’d like to share with us? Leave a comment!

Being True to You After “I Do”: Maintaining Friendships

Wednesday, November 9th, 2011

Newlywed FriendsFriendship is a wonderful thing that can get a person through some of the roughest points he or she faces in life.  Friends offer the shoulder to cry on, the tissue to dry the tears, and the invitation to fun activities that promote healing will, undoubtedly, hold great meaning for the rest of that person’s life.  Unfortunately, maintaining a new marriage can often strain friendships and challenge them in ways that no one could quite expect. There are many reasons that this happens and it is a natural occurrence.  For one thing, marriage changes the way that decisions are made.  It is no longer a matter of what ‘I would like to do’ but rather a decision of what ‘we would like to do’.  Furthermore, marriage often brings added responsibilities and a new group of people to spend time with.  This doesn’t mean that a friendship ends when the words ‘I do’ are said, but that the relationship will require effort.

Scheduling - Time as a newlywed, must be split between the marriage, old friends, new friends, and family.  Often the best way to maintain friendships with hurting your marriage is to schedule visits in advance.  Whether the activities will be done as couples or just you will be attending, it is important to discuss them with your spouse to prevent calendar conflicts such as you planning to attend a girls’ happy hour on Friday but he promised that you’d both be at his mother’s dinner party.  Newlyweds need to realize that there’s more than one person making plans!

Understanding How To Handle Change - As we grow up and get married, life changes happen.  Some of those changes in direction will be pre-planned decisions and others might be unexpected.  However, all can affect relationships, including those between you and your friends.  The choice to start a family, to move, or even to change jobs can have major impact on the time you have available to spend with friends and also how your perspective aligns with theirs’. Being aware that changes will happen can make it easier to address them and even prevent them from causing issues within your friendships.

The Need for Boundaries - Though friendships are undeniably important, when you say your vows, you promise to think of your spouse first.  Defining special times, places, and events that should be reserved for just the two of you is a good way to prevent hard feelings and big fights in the future.  These boundaries will actually make it easier to maintain the friendship and balance it with the new life you have started with your spouse.

How do you maintain your friendships as a newlywed?  Have you instituted a girls night in or Skype chats to stay connected? We’d love to hear your solutions and thoughts in a comment!

Couples That Play Together Stay Together

Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

Newlywed Game NightGet up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, clean up, sit down, watch television, go to bed…repeat.  Does this sound like the routine you have fallen into as a couple?  If so, you are not alone.  A large percentage of newlywed couples find that the pattern of work and living together in the same house can lead to a rather mundane existence when compared to the excitement of wedding planning and the honeymoon. While a routine can be a good thing, it can also rob a relationship of  its natural luster. While it might not be possible to go out every night, there are always ways to spice things up around the house.

Forgotten FunMany board games across this nation have been stashes away in closets, attics, or on book shelves to collect dust while occupants of the home turn to digital devices for entertainment.  However, for the couple trying to find some fun to be had around the house, few things can beat a challenging board game.  Whether it’s a lighthearted round of checkers or a competitively driven game of Scrabble, the activities can exercise the mind while improving your relationship.  Looking to add some sizzle to game night? Simply play a body conscious game like twister after a glass or two of wine!

Digital Date Night – Ok, so you said goodbye to board games long ago and aren’t ready to head back to the store for more.  That doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy a game with your spouse.  Pick up the Wii remote or other video game controller and challenge him or her to play.  Work together to destroy a common enemy or win an Olympic game and then celebrate your victory!

Get Creative - Have you always wanted to learn how to paint?  Did you once have a knack for pottery?  Or, have you been dying to try a new cooking technique?  Rather than trying it by yourself, invite your spouse to join you.  You may have to bribe him, but joint discovery of new talents is a great way to stay excited about your relationship. Learning more about each other and doing something new together is a fantastic way to stay excited about your relationship.

Honey Do’s - Take a quick look around your home…see room for improvement?  Maybe there is an outdated light fixture, a fraying carpet, or a kitchen in desperate need of new paint.  However small the project may be, when done together it can create a source for bonding.  You can have a lot of fun looking for the perfect shade of paint or carpet and then installing it.  Aside from improving your home, you’re also improving your relationship.

What do you do to play together?  Do you have a standing card night, play a sport together or spend time in the kitchen getting creative? We’d love to hear about your togetherness activities in a comment!

“Happy Wife…Happy Life” Interpreted

Monday, October 10th, 2011

Happy Newlywed CoupleDid you know that “Happy wife, Happy life” is an actual guy concept?  Being a newlywed suddenly gives you a deeper insight into the male mind (sometimes good and sometimes scary).  I took this concept to mean that my husband should do everything in his power to make me happy, and then realized that my interpretation might be a bit selfish.

While your spouse should strive to make you happy, you are also responsible for your own happiness and your relationship’s healthiness.  Setting reasonable expectations, communicating your needs and making an effort to invest in your own state of mind are the keys to staying happily married. Here are a few ways to make the “happily ever after” even easier:

Tell Him What You Want – In the kitchen, yard and of course the bedroom.  You may have married your soul mate, but that doesn’t make him a mind reader.  You set your spouse up for failure by not letting him know that you really want him to take out the trash or bring you flowers on your birthday.  Try to subtly let him know your needs and if that doesn’t work have a heart to heart discussion.  Your husband wants to make you happy…so let him know how!

Be Realistic – We’d all love to have a mate that cooks, cleans, makes tons of money & writes amazing love letters, but most guys can’t do everything we wish for.  Decide what is important to you and then figure out if you can supply part of your own expectations.  For example, if you want every Friday to be a date night and your spouse has trouble remembering…do the research and make reservations or plan activities in advance.  You’ll both win in this scenario.

Understand What He Wants – It sounds simple, but “happy wife happy life” also means that the wife’s happiness affects her husband’s.  Do your best to be a happy person and meet your own needs.  Then try to do things that will make your mate’s live happier.  A surprise breakfast in bed or tickets to a hockey game on date night can go a long way in boosting the happiness quotient.

What do you need to be a happy wife?  Has your spouse figured it out or have you both needed to talk about your expectations to maintain your newlywed bliss?  Please leave a comment…we’d love to hear from you!

Cooperation in the Kitchen: Blending Tastes as Newlyweds

Wednesday, October 5th, 2011

Newlywed Kitchen ScenariosThere are many things that we develop as we grow from infants to adults.  Among those is a sense of taste.  We become used to what we knew from our childhoods and develop dislikes for certain foods.  This is very natural and should be expected.  However, it must also be realized that the foods you favor may very well differ from the ones that your spouse would choose.  The beginning of a marriage is all about recognizing and embracing those differences. It can be difficult, especially when two picky eaters are paired together and left with very few foods that seem to overlap.

The best thing that you can do for your marriage if food is a source of disagreement – and even if it’s not – is to share the duty of making the evening meals, and also the responsibility of grocery shopping.  You will eventually come up with some common ground and recipes!

Go to the Grocery Store Together - Shopping for food together is a great way to find common tastes.  There are many foods that might be overlooked when discussing the topic in your kitchen, which will become more apparent as your loop through the aisles of the local grocery store.  For the first few shopping trips, allot you and your spouse extra time and don’t try to follow a list directly. Instead, walk together and pick out foods that you both like, which could be incorporated into meals that both of you will be happy eating.

Preparation - Once you have stocked your kitchen with foods you agree on, it is time to cook.  Seasonings, rubs, marinades, sauces, and more go into the very best meals and that means finding common ground on these issues as well.  Don’t panic if he or she likes the sauce a bit spicier than you can tolerate.  The great part about marriage is that it is all about the two of you being happy.  Also, don’t be afraid to do things in your own way.  If you know that you both love chicken parmesan, but he likes more heat, then simply split the sauce into two small pans and allow him to add some more peppers and onions to his.  Small efforts like this can go a long way toward maintaining the peace and happiness in the household.

Be Open Minded – Easy to say and hard to do, but even if you think you will hate a favorite food of your husband’s give it a try…you might surprise yourself and like it!  Even if you don’t, ask him what aspects of the dish make it his favorite…maybe it’s the sauce or how the flavors meld together.  This information can help you create a dish that is similar, but something you will like too.

How have you handled the blending of kitchens and tastes?  We’d love for you to share any solutions or funny stories in a comment!

Newlywed Communication: 3 Tips for Success

Monday, September 26th, 2011

Newlywed CommunicationOne of the most integral parts of any great marriage is a couple’s ability to communicate effectively with each other and respect each others (often different) opinions.  Many newlyweds  struggle to find the balance of listening and being heard in the first years of marriage. After all, living with someone and being united with them requires new levels of patience, understanding, and self-control.  When a co-worker upsets you, the disagreement is generally superficial, the boss will step in, or you can simply leave to take a breather and have an escape at home.  The same is true when arguments arise with friends or extended family members.  But, when you argue with your spouse, the rules change, so here are a few things to keep in mind:

Look for Visual Cues – Did you know that more than ninety percent of what you say does not come from your mouth?  It has been found that it is the non-verbal actions of a person that provide most of the story.  If you are failing to look at your partner when he or she is speaking, then chances are good that you are missing much of what has been said.  It is also much easier to misinterpret something that is said if you do not see the non-verbal communications associated with the words.

Actively Listen – In addition to looking at him or her during the conversation, it is very essential to demonstrate that you were, in fact, listening and hearing everything that was said.  Common phrases — such as ‘do you know what I mean?’, ‘what do you think?’, ‘am I crazy for feeling that way?’ – should not be ignored.  Rather than just nodding your approval of what your partner has said, or starting on a tirade regarding everything you disagree with, be careful to respond meaningfully to those questions.  These can be instant diffusers if handled correctly in a heated situation.

Know When to Temporarily End the Conversation – While the old saying ‘never go to bed angry’ still applies, it is unrealistic to believe that every argument throughout the life of your relationship will come to an immediate conclusion.  Communication is essential, but sometimes it is just as important to know when to walk away.  When tempers are flared to a level that distracts from hearing and understanding what is being said, then it is a good idea to take a moment to breathe. Don’t leave and stay away, but rather, take a moment apart to gather your thoughts, calm your nerves, and begin to think rationally again.  At that point, return to your spouse and try to speak at a reasonable volume about what is bothering you.

The communication foundations you lay today will affect your relationship for a lifetime, so take the time to figure out the best ways to discuss highly charged topics and deal with confronting each other in a loving way. It will pay off, I promise!  Just reading this blog post is a great step towards continuing your newlywed bliss.  What discoveries have you made about communication as a newlywed?

DIY Projects: A Great Way to Keep Your Marriage Healthy

Thursday, September 22nd, 2011

Newlywed DIY ProjectsThere is so much excitement and anticipation leading up to your wedding.  After months or years of planning, the wedding and honeymoon seem to fly by and then real life begins.  Many newlywed couples begin to miss the “planning” aspect and connectedness of their engagement. Great news…there are tons of projects you can work on together that will not only benefit your relationship; they’ll benefit your surroundings!

Fixer-upper condor or houses aren’t a bad choice for new couples.  They can provide the opportunities for collaborative work that will bring many spouses closer together.  That being said, there are a couple of warnings that come with doing re-design work.  For couples who often find themselves in a battle for control – for the strong personalities of the world – coming to an agreement over color, pattern, furniture, and accessories can be source of contention.  It is important to go into the process with an open mind and the understanding that working together will not necessarily equate to getting everything that you want for the space.  A good marriage is founded on compromise, and the blended end achievement may turn out even better than “your idea”.

As long as you can maintain open minds and open lines of communication, it can be a great idea to suggest updating the kitchen, to replacing the old and outdated couch, or re-painting the guest bedroom.  Start small and move on to bigger projects as you become more comfortable with the collaboration aspect of your relationship (better to find out you can’t agree on a faucet than you can’t agree on a blue print for an addition).

As you begin your project, ask your spouse small questions to get communication started.  For instance, what colors do you see in the room?  Do you prefer gold or silver cabinet and drawer pulls?  Do you think we should get a Queen or King sized bed for our room?  These starter questions will provide the initial communication, which can then become involved as bigger decisions must be made in order to complete the project.  For those who are seriously ambitious and have the abilities, new bathroom construction, building the new deck, or laying to stone at the front entrance can be done on your own.  Putting your blood, sweat, and tears into improving your home will make it a more meaningful space and provide you plenty of pleasant memories and possibly a few hysterical stories.

What home improvement projects have you undertaken with your hubby? I remember replacing the 30+ knobs in our kitchen and being tremendously pleased with the teamwork (he removed the old ones and I screwed in the new ones) and the updated look they provided!  We’d love to hear your stories in a comment.

Avoiding the ‘Comfort Weight’ of Marriage

Thursday, September 8th, 2011

Newlywed Comfort WeightThe weight of  a wedding ring on your hand is a wonderful and comforting thing.  However…post wedding poundage really isn’t either of those things. There are a few things that might be considered stereotypical, but that do tend to be truth when it comes to the wedding and the days thereafter.  Brides (and grooms) tend to want to look their best for their big day.   So, part of the preparation for the wedding is often the pre-marriage diet/exercise plan (hello gym membership, body pump classes, spinning etc.). Exercise and better eating combine and will usually result in the shedding of unwanted pounds in time for that final dress fitting.  Yet, when the celebration is over, many couples will let go of the healthy pattern that was developed before their vows.  In fact, this phenomenon is so common that many people have come to refer to the pounds gained after tying the knot as ‘comfort weight.’

If you want to avoid gaining the post-party pounds or if you are the newlywed who has suddenly found that the jeans from last year don’t fit all that well anymore, then There are a few changes you can make to keep you at a healthy weight and also strengthen the bond of your marriage.

Invest in the Home Gym - If you have the space in your house or apartment, a home gym – even in the simplest of forms – can serve as a great place to remain thin and trim or to return to that status.  Plus, having it right there means that you and your hubby can share in the activity together and keep each other on track.

Take a Nightly Stroll Many couples have a tendency to lose touch of romance after they’ve wed.  A great way to keep connected and get the workout you both need, is through an evening walk. After the dinner table has been cleared, the two of you can set off together.  For more athletic couples, this can even be transformed into a nightly run.

Couples’ Cooking – Part of the reason that young married couples have a tendency to pack on extra pounds is because the ritual of nightly dinners hasn’t yet been established.  Instead, newlyweds will choose to eat out or order in, which usually means higher fat and calories when compared to a homemade meal.  Solution: use the evening meal as a bonding time and work together to create something that tastes wonderful and is good for you.

Remember, sharing in the activities that are good for your health will make it easier for the two of you to stay on track and maintain healthy weights.  It’s fun to challenge each other and keep in shape as a couple…you’ll both be glad you did!  What ways have you and your partner come up with to stay in shape?  We’d love for you to share your ideas with us in a comment!

Choosing the Right Dog to Match Your Marriage

Wednesday, August 17th, 2011

Newlywed Puppy AdviceOkay, so maybe you aren’t quite ready for the responsibility of a newborn  in your life, or perhaps you don’t intend to ever have children, but the idea of having a little extra company around the house can be very appealing for many young couples.  In fact, a very large percentage of newlyweds find themselves in the market for a puppy. But, like a baby, a puppy comes with many new responsibilities and big changes to a household and even your married relationship.  Choosing the right breed is key to everyone’s happiness!

The Small Dog: The first thing to consider is the size of dog that is most likely to fit your space.  A small apartment in the city is not likely to accommodate larger breeds, especially those who love to run.  Thus, your living arrangements might limit your choices immediately. For those who aren’t so confined, the decision will likely be based more on personal preference.  A small dog can be a wonderful addition to the home, but these little guys are also very fragile.  They must be babied a bit as they are susceptible to cold, injury, and digestive problems.  For those who are looking for a loving companion that adores its owner and will be playfully content indoors, a small dog can be the perfect pal.

The Active Dog: As stated above, when it comes to small homes without access to convenient outdoor areas to run, the active dog is probably not a good choice for you.  However, for those with an enclosed backyard or lots of room to run, active dogs can make wonderful partners.  The spaniels, labs, and retrievers of the world are often willing to become workout companions for the runner or walker. Who doesn’t need a workout buddy that won’t take no for answer?! Water-loving dogs might be the perfect fit for a couple near the ocean, lake, or pond, and for the outdoor enthusiast, a dog breed for hunting will likely be a wonderful fit.

The Big Dog: If a small dog is not the right fit and an overly active dog won’t fit your relaxed lifestyle, then it might be time to consider the largest breeds.  Though they will still need outdoor time and they do require a lot of indoor space, these huge hearts are loving, loyal, and often on the lazy side – at least as they get a little older. However, do be prepared for a hyper puppy, regardless of the breed you choose.  Like a child, puppies need a lot of love, a lot of care, and a lot of attention in the early years.  A final note on the larger of the four-legged loves of the world — big dogs can also be major sources of drool,though, so you might want to have the ‘jowel towel’ nearby.

Whatever dog you choose, adding a 4 legged friend to your family is a wonderful part of newlywed life.  Taking your time and considering your options before you take the “puppy plunge” should lead to years of love and companionship down the road. Did you get a dog right after you got married?  What options did you consider or wish you’d considered?  We’d love to hear from you in a comment!