As you return from your honeymoon, there a few questions you need to discuss with your spouse. While you may be hesitant to rock boat of “newlywed bliss”, it is very important to establish a understanding of how you both feel about these key topics before they cause problems in your marriage.
When do you want kids and how many do you want to have?
It’s long been discussed and long been debated. The opinions you have today will very likely change significantly in the future, but if he wants them and you don’t, or you were hoping to have a houseful and he cannot see himself with more than a single child, then how can the future possibly go smoothly? Hash out a plan that works for both of you and try to compromise as much as you can while still retaining your happiness.
Where do you see yourself in ten years; twenty?
This is not an easy question to answer for anyone. People who have been at the same job for many years are not always clear on their future ambitions, but discussing it now can point out possible points of contention that might lead to trouble in the future. For instance, if one person simply values fun and minimal commitment, but the other intends to build a large savings account before retirement, issues can quickly arise. So, even if answers are vague, at least you will have a general understanding of where your potential spouse wants your relationship to go. Meeting with a financial adviser can also help mitigate your opinions and help you come up with
What is your idea of the ideal vacation?
It might seem a silly question to be placed on a hot marriage topic list, but it is definitely worth asking. For one thing, vacation time from work is often very limited, so varying opinions regarding the best way to spend the time can create rifts. Knowing what your spouse wants out of a vacation before you go on one (honeymoons don’t count) can help minimize silent suffering and resentment and help you plan a trip that will meet both of your needs!
What level of commitment do you feel toward your family?
Sure, there is something desirable about a man who can admit that he enjoys spending time with his family, but how will that play out in the future? If one partner feels the need to frequently visit parents, grandparents, or siblings, it can limit potential places to live, greatly impact decisions regarding the holiday season, and even create weekly commitments. How will you both react to this? Discussing both of your needs and family responsibilities can help you find a balance between both families and the one you just created with your vows.
How do you feel about religion and politics?
It is best not to discuss religion and politics in most settings, but when it comes time to a lifetime commitment to another individual, there is good reason to bring these subjects to the forefront. Though your ideas regarding each might be perfectly in sync, there is a reason that these are considered taboo topics. People generally feel very strongly about both and mismatched believes will very likely lead to heated battles in the future. Knowing what is a “hot topic” for your partner can allow you to approach it carefully and with great tact…thus reducing your chances of an argument.
Remember, as you ask these questions, that it is better to know how you and your partner feel (not how you think the other person wants you to feel). Honesty now will result in a harmonious marriage later! Which topic do you think is the most important to discuss? Did we miss any? Let us know in a comment!