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Newlywed New Year’s Resolutions: Do or Don’t?

newlywed New Year’s resolutions

Are you making newlywed New Year’s resolutions? Many newlyweds start thinking about their New Year’s Resolution in days between Christmas and New Year’s Eve. People come up with all kinds of things (i.e. to lose weight, quit smoking, organize their lives, take a dance lesson, earn a degree, etc.).   These are all really good things to do to help become a healthier, happier you; so why do many of the people who pledge to do them fail?

Richard Wiseman, a psychologist at the University of Hertfordshire, led a study to figure out just that. He and his team asked 700 people about their strategies for achieving New Year resolutions. Their goals ranged from losing weight or giving up smoking to gaining a qualification or starting a better relationship.  Of the 78% who failed, many had focused on the downside of not achieving the goals; they had suppressed their cravings, fantasized about being successful, and adopted a role model or relied on willpower alone (Source: guardian.co.uk).

Apparently, these tactics simply don’t work.  So, what should you do if you really want to pick a goal and stick to it?

Break Your Ultimate Goal Up Into Smaller Steps: For example, if you plan to quit smoking; don’t do it cold-turkey.  Try limiting the number of cigarettes you smoke in a day and take one away as you feel comfortable.  You are more likely to stick with it, if you move at your own realistic pace.

Tell a Friend about Your Goal: Sharing your goals with friends or family will help you stay motivated to reach them (i.e. joining a gym with someone else and meeting to workout together will keep you on track).

Focus on Benefits of Success: Spend your time and energy focusing on the benefits of what your hard work will do for you rather than the fact that you might fail.  Staying positive is motivating, not to mention a healthier way to live your life.

Keep a Journal: Write down your plan in a notebook or diary and keep track of what you do each day.  This is a visual reminder of where you started and how far you have come since you decided to change your life.

Don’t get caught up into thinking that if you don’t start on January 1st that you have to wait a whole year to start.  When you are ambitious and ready to make a change in you life, do it! Forgive yourself for setbacks and get right back on track.  You’ll look back when you reach your goal and realize you can do anything you put your mind to.  Best of luck and Happy New Year!

What’s your New Year’s Resolution this year? Do you have a plan to help you reach your goal?  Let us know if you used any of these tips and how they helped you stay motivated to reach your ultimate goal.

Your First Christmas:Tips For Handling Your In-Laws

Oh in-laws.  Can’t live with them and can’t live without them.  Well, maybe.  But the fact of the matter is that the majority of people have in-laws – mothers, fathers, and siblings – and eventually have a holiday where everyone can come together and celebrate.  We’ve all heard comedians joke about awful in-laws and dealing with them at the table, but that doesn’t have to be your holiday experience!

Talk to your spouse first.  You may be surprised at how helpful it is to know how your partner spent their holidays, that way you can better predict how your in-laws may act.  Some families place more significance on some holidays than others.  For example, to you Christmas Eve may not be that big of a deal, but your spouse’s family has a whole set of traditions and all sorts of things that they do on that day.

Before in-laws even come over, it might be a good idea to lay out a few basic agreements. For example, you and your spouse have just moved into your new home.  Your spouse’s mother typically cooks the turkey for Christmas.  But since the holiday is at your home, you want to do the cooking.  Let them know!  You can always suggest that they bring a favorite dish or two, or that you’d love some help from your mother-in-law, but overall, you want to be the one doing the entertaining.
Taking the time to talk to your in-laws about certain things can help holidays go more smoothly. This can be especially true if you come from a different cultural or religious background than your in-laws.  By prepping them beforehand, they will have a better idea of what to expect as well as how to act.  Remember, this is your home and your new life – everyone may have their own family traditions, but now is the time for you to start a few traditions of your own. Don’t let family members (from either side!) try to control everything.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t be flexible.  If someone suggests an idea and you love it, then go for it!  Holidays are about being together, having a good time, and enjoying one another’s company. Allowing variety into the holiday will keep it from being predictable and dull.  You shouldn’t have to work too hard in order to make a holiday memorable or special.

By keeping the lines of communication open, remaining versatile when it comes to new ideas, and focusing on having a good time, your holiday should be met with plenty of love and lots of good cheer.  Do you have any stories of how you prepared for your first holiday with your in-laws? We’d love to hear about it!

Holiday Parties – Ho Ho Ho!

‘Tis the season for corporate and family holiday parties.  Now let’s talk about not looking like a Ho, Ho, ho as a newlywed or newly engaged lady!  There is definitely a way to look attractive at events, without raising any in-law eyebrows or causing the CEO’s blood pressure to spike.

Here are a few tips to keep you looking your best during the holiday season:

1.       Choose to accent your upper body or lower body with an outfit, not both.  A great mini dress that has sleeves or a or a high neckline will allow your legs to take center stage without causing catcalls. If you’ve got killer arms or cleavage, choose a longer dress or pants and then show A LITTLE skin up top.

2.       Leave the leave-em-on boots at home. Don’t get me wrong, some boots are appropriate with dresses. But, if you have patent leather over the knee boots there are certain call girl connotations that will enter most people’s minds when they meet you.  Frankly, you don’t want to be that girl, especially as someone’s wife or fiancé!

3.       Get your hair done!  Now’s the time to touch up any roots or split ends that you have showing. A quick trip to the salon or some do-it-yourself tricks will have you looking polished and presentable wherever you go.  It will also ensure that you’ll love the way you look in holiday photos and not kick yourself for that hair.  If you already have a few photos you regret, you can use this cool root touch-up software to erase any hair color mistakes.

4.       Go easy on the make-up. Choose to do a smoky eye and neutral lips or play up your lips and do very muted eyes.  This tactic allows one feature of your face to stand out and keeps you from looking like you were hit by the paint truck! 

5.       Smile.  You’re a newlywed or newly engaged and the world is your oyster.  No need to be serious or nervous, just be yourself and let everyone get to know the real you.

With these few tips you should be able to focus on having fun at the flurry of holiday parties you attend.  You can rest assured that you’re presenting yourself in a wonderful way and everyone that meets you will be impressed.

What are you wearing to holiday parties this year and what are you avoiding wearing? We’d love to hear about your outfits and the dreadful ones you saw last holiday season, so please leave a comment!

5 Ways to Steer Clear of Unnecessary Holiday Highway Frustrations

holiday highway frustrations

Tis the season for holiday highway frustrations. There are two ways to look at this holiday season- 1. If you’re staying home and don’t have to travel, lucky you for avoiding the traffic troubles, but then your concerns lie with having to be the host, and cook for family and friends. 2. If you are the ones making the trek over the holidays to visit family, then fortunate for you someone else will be doing the cooking this year, but unfortunately you will need to cope with the hustle and bustle of fellow travelers!

Since my husband and I have not yet been promoted to the hosting position yet, we are the ones that are traveling around visiting our families during the holidays. Because of this, we have had to come up with a serious system; a time and money-saver system, and a try not to strangle each other in the car system. So, if you’re one of the millions of people that have plans to be traveling in the next months, here are some tips to help make it a more pleasant, enjoyable experience with your spouse!

  1. Pack the night before. If you don’t have kids yet, you’re still going to find that you are packing for more than yourself, if you catch my drift, so make sure to get the laundry finished ahead of time so that you can pack the day before your trip!
  2. Be cash conservative! Tolls are out-of-control expensive these days, so conserve your spending money elsewhere by packing a cooler with some H20 and a few snacks for the ride. This will also save you a few minutes of your time sitting through the drive through!
  3. Music is key! Make sure to have your music selection ready-to-go, especially if you get stuck in some heavy traffic on the way, you will need something fun to take your mind off of your situation at-hand!
  4. Find your alternative route. You never can be sure that you’re not going to get stuck in a detour or have to stray off of your course due to an accident.  Although your GPS can help with this situation, they’re not always 100% accurate, so printing off an alternative route from Google Maps isn’t at all a bad idea.
  5. Avoid the rage. It is so easy to lose your temper and become frustrated, so if someone flips you the bird, wink, smile or wave back. It’s so much more fun and may help to calm down the other party involved!

What are your best tactics to ease the holiday highway frustrations when traveling, and maintain your holiday spirit!? Please share!

Fight Fair as a Newlywed and Beyond

Fight Fair as a Newlywed

It’s important to know how to fight fair as a newlywed, if you want your marriage to last. Do you and your spouse disagree on one little thing and somehow it turns into an all-out brawl where you’re screaming about things that happened months or even years ago?  If so, one or both of you may be fighting…DIRTY!  Below are useful newlywed tips on how to fight fair; and if you use them, you’ll find yourselves in a happier, healthier marriage.

#1. Face Your Fear of Confrontation and Discuss the Issue as soon as Possible-You can’t resolve an issue that you’re too afraid to bring up.  It’s time to realize that you have to discuss things that bother you in order for you and your spouse to truly be a team.  Marriage requires two people, so speak up!  Bottling up your problems will only result in a bigger blowout later on.  If you’re in public or somewhere that you don’t feel comfortable resolving the issue at least acknowledge that there IS an issue and set a specific time to talk about it when you’re in a better place/frame of mind.

#2. State exactly what’s bothering you and Stick to the Issue at Hand-Be clear about what specifically made you upset and how it made you feel.  Being as detailed as possible will help your partner understand your point of view and will present the best (and sometimes obvious) ways to resolve the issue.  Often times, individuals begin arguing about crumbs on the counter and it turns into “and I hate when you do this and I get annoyed when you do that!”  Stay focused on what occurred here and now to upset you.

#3.  Avoid Generalizing-Try not to say, “you always” or “you never” because these words cause people to be defensive and could cause your spouse to lash out at you.

#4.  If Your Spouse Says You Do Something, Then You most-likely do… (Trust Your Spouse)-Your partner will say that you do something and your response is, “I DO NOT!”  Trust that your spouse knows you well enough by now that he/she will not lie to you about what he/she sees.
#5.  Avoid Personal Insults-Don’t say things that you can’t take back (and will regret later on).  Attacking your spouse’s character or appearance is something that may truly hurt them and they will remember it and dwell on it because it came from your mouth.

#6.  Listen (You May Learn Something)-You are NOT always going to be right!  Listen to what your spouse is saying when you have a conflict.  This way you will learn what went wrong and avoid doing it again.

#7. Confront to Resolve, Not to Win-This is not a competition or a game.  The sooner you both realize that the happier you will be.  Think about it, no one truly wins when you argue.  Winning is what happens when you’re able to resolve an issue and not re-visit it.

#8. Always Remind Spouse that You Love Him/Her-I will stand by this every time.  Let your partner know that you love them after your issue is resolved.  Using those three words is the most obvious way, but a warm embrace or a passionate kiss is another great way to lighten the mood/tension between you two.  And hey–there’s nothing wrong with making-up all night long…

Tell us: What do you think about this list of ways to fight fair as a newlywed?  What will you do differently the next time you and your spouse find yourselves in an argument to avoid WWIII?