Danielle Tate

Happy Wife…Happy Life Interpreted

Did you know that “Happy wife, Happy life” is an actual guy concept? Being a newlywed suddenly gives you a deeper insight into the male mind (sometimes good and sometimes scary). I took this concept to mean that my husband should do everything in his power to make me happy. Then I realized that my interpretation might be a bit selfish.

While your spouse should strive to make you happy, you are also responsible for your own happiness and your relationship’s healthiness. Setting reasonable expectations, communicating your needs and making an effort to invest in your own state of mind are the keys to staying happily married.

Here are a few ways to make the “happily ever after” even easier:

Tell Him What You Want – In the kitchen, yard and of course the bedroom. You may have married your soul mate, but that doesn’t make him a mind reader. You set your spouse up for failure by not letting him know that you really want him to take out the trash or bring you flowers on your birthday. Try to subtly let him know your needs and if that doesn’t work have a heart to heart discussion. Your husband wants to make you happy…so let him know how!

Be Realistic – We’d all love to have a mate that cooks, cleans, makes tons of money & writes amazing love letters, but most guys can’t do everything we wish for. Decide what is important to you and then figure out if you can supply part of your own expectations. For example, if you want every Friday to be a date night and your spouse has trouble remembering…do the research and make reservations or plan activities in advance. You’ll both win in this scenario.

Understand What He Wants – It sounds simple, but “happy wife happy life” also means that the wife’s happiness affects her husband’s. Do your best to be a happy person and meet your own needs. Then try to do things that will make your mate’s live happier. A surprise breakfast in bed or tickets to a hockey game on date night can go a long way in boosting the happiness quotient.

What do you need to be a happy wife? Has your spouse figured it out or have you both needed to talk about your expectations to maintain your newlywed bliss? Please leave a comment…we’d love to hear from you!

Cooperation in the Kitchen: Blending Tastes as Newlyweds

Working on blending tastes as newlyweds? There are many things that we develop as we grow from infants to adults. Among those is a sense of taste. We become used to what we knew from our childhoods and develop dislikes for certain foods. This is very natural and should be expected.

However, it must also be realized that the foods you favor may very well differ from the ones that your spouse would choose. The beginning of a marriage is all about recognizing and embracing those differences. It can be difficult, especially when two picky eaters are paired together and left with very few foods that seem to overlap.

The best thing that you can do for your marriage if food is a source of disagreement – and even if it’s not – is to share the duty of making the evening meals, and also the responsibility of grocery shopping. You will eventually come up with some common ground and recipes!

Go to the Grocery Store Together – Shopping for food together is a great way to find common tastes. There are many foods that might be overlooked when discussing the topic in your kitchen, which will become more apparent as your loop through the aisles of the local grocery store. For the first few shopping trips, allot you and your spouse extra time and don’t try to follow a list directly. Instead, walk together and pick out foods that you both like, which could be incorporated into meals that both of you will be happy eating.

Preparation – Once you have stocked your kitchen with foods you agree on, it is time to cook. Seasonings, rubs, marinades, sauces, and more go into the very best meals and that means finding common ground on these issues as well. Don’t panic if he or she likes the sauce a bit spicier than you can tolerate. The great part about marriage is that it is all about the two of you being happy. Also, don’t be afraid to do things in your own way. If you know that you both love chicken parmesan, but he likes more heat, then simply split the sauce into two small pans and allow him to add some more peppers and onions to his. Small efforts like this can go a long way toward maintaining the peace and happiness in the household.

Be Open Minded – Easy to say and hard to do, but even if you think you will hate a favorite food of your spouse’s give it a try…you might surprise yourself and like it! Even if you don’t, ask him what aspects of the dish make it his favorite…maybe it’s the sauce or how the flavors meld together. This information can help you create a dish that is similar, but something you will like too.

How are you handling blending tastes as newlyweds? We’d love for you to share any solutions or funny stories in a comment!

Fabulous Fall Entertaining

With the crisp cool air it’s time get ready for Fall entertaining. Celebrating with seasonal foods/cocktails and friends is a great way to make sure you take a moment to enjoy the world and weather around you. Whether you’re new to marriage and new to cooking for a group or if you’re an old pro at both…we’ve got some great ideas for you!

Set the Tone – Pick up some festive plates or get creative with one of these fall displays for your home (we especially love the acorns in the glass column). Lighting a fall scented candle can also immediately put guests in a festive mood.

Create a Seasonal Cocktail (or 2) – Signature cocktails easily elevate an event from a gathering to a party! Consider a this simple yet amazing vanilla pumpkin pie martini for the ladies and some autumn flavored ale for the gentlemen attending. Here’s a top 10 list of pumpkin beers to point you in the right direction!

Surprise Appetizers – Who doesn’t love an out of the ordinary appetizer?! Soup shooters are one of the easiest unconventional appetizers. We suggest this seasonal roasted carrot soup served in fun colored coffee or demitasse cups. The soup is warming, has a festive fall flavor and is even orange.

Pot Luck – It might sound old fashioned, but having each guest or couple bringing a component of the meal has tremendous upside (especially if they’re good cooks). You as the hostess get to focus on details like decorating or a fabulous cocktail instead of being overwhelmed…and your guests get to bring something that shows off their talents. It’s a good idea to create a theme so the recipes gel into a meal.

Pears – Pears are in season and make an outstanding end to any meal. Consider serving simple poached pears with vanilla ice cream or a pear tart with caramelized pistachios.
Whatever you decide to make, taking time to enjoy Fall with friend and family will end well.

Do you have a favorite Fall entertaining idea you’d like to share with our readers? We’d love for you to leave a comment.

Newlywed Communication: 3 Tips for Success

One of the most integral parts of any great marriage is a couple’s ability to communicate effectively with each other and respect each others (often different) opinions. Many newlyweds struggle to find the balance of listening and being heard in the first years of marriage. After all, living with someone and being united with them requires new levels of patience, understanding, and self-control. When a co-worker upsets you, the disagreement is generally superficial, the boss will step in, or you can simply leave to take a breather and have an escape at home. The same is true when arguments arise with friends or extended family members. But, when you argue with your spouse, the rules change, so here are a few things to keep in mind:

Look for Visual Cues – Did you know that more than ninety percent of what you say does not come from your mouth? It has been found that it is the non-verbal actions of a person that provide most of the story. If you are failing to look at your partner when he or she is speaking, then chances are good that you are missing much of what has been said. It is also much easier to misinterpret something that is said if you do not see the non-verbal communications associated with the words.

Actively Listen – In addition to looking at him or her during the conversation, it is very essential to demonstrate that you were, in fact, listening and hearing everything that was said. Common phrases — such as ‘do you know what I mean?’, ‘what do you think?’, ‘am I crazy for feeling that way?’ – should not be ignored. Rather than just nodding your approval of what your partner has said, or starting on a tirade regarding everything you disagree with, be careful to respond meaningfully to those questions. These can be instant diffusers if handled correctly in a heated situation.

Know When to Temporarily End the Conversation – While the old saying ‘never go to bed angry’ still applies, it is unrealistic to believe that every argument throughout the life of your relationship will come to an immediate conclusion. Communication is essential, but sometimes it is just as important to know when to walk away. When tempers are flared to a level that distracts from hearing and understanding what is being said, then it is a good idea to take a moment to breathe. Don’t leave and stay away, but rather, take a moment apart to gather your thoughts, calm your nerves, and begin to think rationally again. At that point, return to your spouse and try to speak at a reasonable volume about what is bothering you.

The communication foundations you lay today will affect your relationship for a lifetime, so take the time to figure out the best ways to discuss highly charged topics and deal with confronting each other in a loving way. It will pay off, I promise! Just reading this blog post is a great step towards continuing your newlywed bliss. What discoveries have you made about communication as a newlywed?

DIY Projects: A Great Way to Keep Your Marriage Healthy

Did you know DIY projects can keep your marriage healthy? There is so much excitement and anticipation leading up to your wedding. After months or years of planning, the wedding and honeymoon seem to fly by and then real life begins. Many newlywed couples begin to miss the “planning” aspect and connectedness of their engagement. Great news…there are tons of projects you can work on together that will not only benefit your relationship; they’ll benefit your surroundings!

Fixer-upper condos or houses aren’t a bad choice for new couples. They can provide the opportunities for collaborative work that will bring many spouses closer together. That being said, there are a couple of warnings that come with doing re-design work.

For couples who often find themselves in a battle for control – for the strong personalities of the world – coming to an agreement over color, pattern, furniture, and accessories can be source of contention. It is important to go into the process with an open mind and the understanding that working together will not necessarily equate to getting everything that you want for the space. A good marriage is founded on compromise, and the blended end achievement may turn out even better than “your idea”.

As long as you can maintain open minds and open lines of communication, it can be a great idea to suggest updating the kitchen, to replacing the old and outdated couch, or re-painting the guest bedroom. Start small and move on to bigger projects as you become more comfortable with the collaboration aspect of your relationship (better to find out you can’t agree on a faucet than you can’t agree on a blue print for an addition).

As you begin your project, ask your spouse small questions to get communication started. For instance, what colors do you see in the room? Do you prefer gold or silver cabinet and drawer pulls? Do you think we should get a Queen or King sized bed for our room?

These starter questions will provide the initial communication, which can then become involved as bigger decisions must be made in order to complete the project. For those who are seriously ambitious and have the abilities, new bathroom construction, building the new deck, or laying to stone at the front entrance can be done on your own. Putting your blood, sweat, and tears into improving your home will make it a more meaningful space and provide you plenty of pleasant memories and possibly a few hysterical stories.

What home improvement projects have you undertaken with your spouse? I remember replacing the 30+ knobs in our kitchen and being tremendously pleased with our teamwork. He removed the old ones and I screwed in the new ones. And, we both loved the updated look they provided!

What DIY projects are you doing to keep your marriage healthy? Please share in a comment!