In Laws

Looking for name change advice or some tips for newlywed life? The MissNowMrs experts have created state-specific name change articles and checklists for you. We’ve chronicled our recommendations for how to travel while changing your name AND how to handle voting during the transition.

We’ve also compiled our best guidance for how to handle difficult sister in laws, holidays as newlyweds, the ever-annoying baby questions, and much more. Why? Because, while we are name change experts, we’re also newlywed wives, moms, and sisters.

We hope our name change advice articles help smooth your transition to your new name, and a whole new phase of life. Congratulations and best wishes from the entire MissNowMrs team!

Newlywed Solutions For Juggling Family Celebrations

It’s the beginning of April…time for the panic of realizing that it’s time for juggling family celebrations. For some, the decision is easy and natural, but for most, especially newlyweds, there is a lot of room for hurt feelings and resentment. If you and your spouse are on your way to happily ever after, then both of you must face the realization that with marriage comes compromise and that will become most apparent during holiday celebrations.

Whether an Easter Sunday dinner, Passover or a giant gathering around the Thanksgiving table, holidays are often the setting for the happiest and most memorable moments of childhood. So, it makes complete sense that you’ll feel sad at having to say goodbye to the ways of your childhood in order to make room for an expanding family.

But like it or not, if you want your marriage to have a solid foundation, you will be making holiday compromises very soon. That isn’t to say that you have to bid farewell to the traditions of your family all together. The great thing about holidays is that there are enough to go around. Even if your parents and your in-laws live hundreds or thousands of miles apart, a plan can be made to ensure that some of the customs of your family are experienced even after marriage.

For those who are fortunate enough to have both sets of parents within a near vicinity, the decision making does not have to be so difficult. Even if dinners are scheduled for the same time on the same day, it is possible to dine with one family and share dessert with the other. This can become habit and the parts played can be rotated each year, so both families’ traditions can be welcomed and appreciated.

As for those who have miles separating relatives, the decision may be more difficult, but not impossible. Perhaps your spouse favors his family’s Thanksgiving traditions and you would rather hold onto the Christmastime festivities. In this case spend the first holiday with his or her parents and the second with yours. If this is not the case, then consider cycling. Thanksgiving and Easter with your parents this year and Christmas and New Years with his or hers, but next year those occasions are switched.

The most important thing to remember is that while every couple is different, almost every newlywed makes accommodations around the holidays. Find a routine that works and stick with it so they can be times of celebration, rather than repeated times of stress each year.

What solutions have you come up with to keep both your families happy but also to keep your sanity? Do you cycle, alternate or just have everyone come over to your house? Are your parents or in-laws divorced, causing even more ways to split the holidays? We’d love for you to let us know your solutions for juggling family celebrations in a comment.

Living Up to In-laws’ Expectations: Common Mistakes

Are you concerned about living up to your in-laws’ expectations? One of the more stressful parts of getting married for many women is making a good impression on the in-laws. In some cases, these new family members have been known and well received for years. That sort of head start is certainly advantageous, but it does not always work that way, especially in this day and age when parents often live many, many miles away.

There are a few things that recently engaged individuals and newlyweds frequently do that can make this transition to becoming a member of the family more difficult. To learn more about what you shouldn’t do when seeking the approval of your in-laws, read on.

Avoid Venting It is not uncommon to remain very close with certain members of the family – whether a parent or a sibling – even after moving to another town or another state. Venting, or the act of voicing concerns, complaints, and problems to that person can be very therapeutic. After all, it is someone that you know that you can trust and who will love you regardless of the mistakes you make in life.

However, there is a time to vent and a time to use restraint. When it comes to your spouse (or soon-to-be), the latter is definitely the way to go. Discussing relationship issues with a family member can lead to severed and hard to repair ties that will undoubtedly make your spouse feel like an outcast.

Too Much Hype Okay, so you don’t want your spouse to tell his mother, father, sister, or brother all of your faults in life. Perhaps you don’t want him sharing any of them, but there is some danger that lies in telling only the good or overplaying talents. If you do not see your in-laws often and they are led to believe that you are the ‘perfect wife,’ then surely there will be more room for criticism when visits do occur. Remind your husband that though he loves and cherishes you for everything you are, you want to be able to live up to the image he creates in the minds of his loved ones.

Preparation Craze A final mistake made by many newlyweds is the act of over-preparing for the arrival of their parents. It is very common for people to feel the need to tidy their living space, their personal appearance, and their lives in general whenever parents come into town. Stressing yourself out before your in-laws show up will only put you even more on edge and make it more difficult to maintain your normal cool, calm, collected composure during the shared time. Let them see what your life is really like (no, you don’t always wake up and bake muffins at 6:00 a.m. on Saturdays). It will lead to a better understanding in the long run.

What advice do you have for our newlywed blog readers who are stressed about living up to in-laws’ expectations? Any major “don’ts” that stand out in your own in-law experiences? We’d love to hear from you in a comment!

In-law Visits as a Newlywed: 4 Things to Keep in Mind!

Some of us are very fortunate to have a great relationship with our In-laws, and some of us, well…try to avoid the visits as much as possible! For me, there is definitely travel time involved, so we try to see each side of the family every month and a half, and this has proven to be a healthy balance for all parties involved! Regardless of your situation, here are a few things to keep in mind so that you and your spouse can truly enjoy each visit. Remember, you’re in this together, and family members are part of the package deal when you get married!

1. Frequency: The first item of importance that you should establish with your spouse is how frequent you would like to make plans to visit your families. It is best to come to an agreement on this right from the start, so that you’re not faced with re-occurring arguments years down the road. Whether you have to travel five minutes, or five hours, decide how often you would like to visit with your families, and alternate traveling to see them and having them travel to see you. This will also hopefully establish acceptable visit times so that you’re not receiving the random drop-in!

2. Keep A Positive Outlook: Your spouse loves you, and so does your extended family! Be thankful for what you have and enjoy the people in your life that love and care about you. Most of all, don’t put on a show, be yourself! You’re not playing a role here, you are the wife, and you are fabulous (obviously…otherwise he wouldn’t have asked you to marry him)!

3. Agree to Disagree: Just because they aren’t like your family or they live a different lifestyle and have different interests, doesn’t make it wrong. It’s OK! This is where your spouse came from, and you love your spouse, right?! Besides this makes life interesting, and makes for good stories to share with friends and family!

4. It is What It Is: If you’ve married a real “momma’s boy”, recognize this and know this cannot be changed. Be mindful that more frequent family visits may be in store for you, so learn to embrace it! Often times there seems to be an initial barrier between you and your mother-in-law, for other reasons than the obvious (you’re now the woman in his life), so let’s not make the situation worse. Love her for who she is and open up to a relationship; just make sure that when it comes to your spouse, he knows that you should come first!

How much time do you and your spouse set aside for family visits?! What is your relationship with your spouse’s family? We want to hear the good and the bad, so please share!

Family Getaways: Tips For Vacationing With The In-Laws

Thinking about vacationing with the in-laws? At some point in almost every marriage there will come a day when the family decides to vacation together. Whether with one set of parents or two, this can be both a fun and a stressful undertaking. Taking the right steps before leaving your home can make a big difference in how the vacation proceeds and how well everyone gets along.

Planning is Essential While this is the case, planning in the wrong way can lead to frustrations and hurt feelings. Don’t try to create the vacation agenda completely on your own and don’t dump the project on just one other person. This should be a shared task and each member of the group should have some input. Keep in mind that not all activities have to be done by the whole group. Allow for this in the planning. That also means understanding if not all members of the group want to participate in the things that most excite you.

Expect Some Financial Tension One of the most common occurrences in large family vacations is awkwardness over money. It is rare that all involved participants will have the same financial status at the time of the trip. This makes it easier for some to go off agenda than others. Be prepared for and discuss what the protocol will be when these awkward financial matters arise. It might be an uncomfortable conversation now, but it will avoid similarly stressful situations surrounding “who pays for what” while you’re on your group getaway.

Let History be Your Guide Are you unsure of what to expect while vacationing with the in-laws? Then, ask. Look at old photo albums together or ask your spouse to tell you stories of past excursions. These little insights will likely provide you a better understanding of what is being expected by the other members of your extended family. For instance, if all the best memories from your husband’s family trips are centered around adventures, you might want to plan something like white water rafting or deep sea fishing to ensure that they’ll all be satisfied with the trip.

Plan for Personal Time Even while on vacation, you will more than likely need an escape when traveling with others. It’s a good idea to pack a book, some of your favorite music, magazines, or some other form of personal entertainment, which can be enjoyed when you need to get away from the group.

Also consider scheduling time on your itinerary for couples to go off on their own and enjoy some private time. After all, this is your time to be away from the stresses of life and you will likely want to spend a few of those special moments alone with your spouse.

Have you been on a vacation with your in-laws? How did it go? Are there any tips you’d share with our readers to help them avoid potential pitfalls?

In-laws And Boundaries

Some husband and wives adore their in-laws. Others, well, not so much. You don’t have to adore your in-laws, but if you want your marriage to be happy, it’s important that you learn how to tolerate them, and that you set up some boundaries. Setting boundaries about your in-laws can help to make a marriage run much more smoothly and can stop fights before they even occur. And the best time to set those boundaries is right after the honeymoon is over, so that there is no confusion about what’s going to happen.

Discussion Time:
You can’t set boundaries about your in-laws without having a discussion, so set a date for the two of you to get together, with no interruptions, to discuss your issues. Before you have the discussion make sure that your partner is aware of what the discussion will entail so that they can come to the table ready, and so that they won’t feel ambushed, and you, yourself, should get a list ready of things that you want to discuss.

Remember, during the conversation, that you’re talking about someone else’s family. Even if they have a hard time dealing with their own family, and often say things that aren’t very nice about them, you have to be respectful. You wouldn’t want them disrespecting your family members, even if you have problems with them. They’re family and as such deserve to be spoken about in a respectful tone.

Setting Boundaries:
Once you’re ready to talk it’s time to get down to business. Setting boundaries for in-laws may be a simple process or it may be one that takes some time, and to many couples it may originally feel like making some sort of a contract. These boundaries can be anything, from specific ones to more relaxed ones. Some couples, for instance, enjoy their privacy and so they agree to only visit their in-laws once every few months or so. Others want more contact and agree to go to dinner with their in-laws every few weeks or even more. The type of boundaries that you set are completely up to you. It’s most important to remember that your in-law is your spouse’s loved one, and that you need to take their needs into consideration, which may mean dealing with someone that you don’t care for very much.

What boundaries have you set for your in-laws? Are there any you wish you would have set earlier in your marriage?