In Laws

Looking for name change advice or some tips for newlywed life? The MissNowMrs experts have created state-specific name change articles and checklists for you. We’ve chronicled our recommendations for how to travel while changing your name AND how to handle voting during the transition.

We’ve also compiled our best guidance for how to handle difficult sister in laws, holidays as newlyweds, the ever-annoying baby questions, and much more. Why? Because, while we are name change experts, we’re also newlywed wives, moms, and sisters.

We hope our name change advice articles help smooth your transition to your new name, and a whole new phase of life. Congratulations and best wishes from the entire MissNowMrs team!

Answering the Inevitable When Are You Having Kids?

You’re back from your honeymoon for a few weeks and WHAMMO…someone asks “When are you going to have kids?”. That someone is usually a well meaning family member. Why are parents and family members so hung up on when you’re going to have kids? Shouldn’t they just be excited that you’ve met and married the love of your life?!

Whether you have decided to wait a while, or are choosing not to have children at all, prepare yourself (and your spouse) to field questions on the subject numerous times. Being prepared and united as a couple on the topic of babies can minimize the impact of family questioning on your relationship.

From your parents or your spouse’s, the insinuations about having babies are not something that really want to deal with as a newlywed, but you must also understand the reasons that parents feel so inclined to speak up on the subject. Their curiosity might have more to do with fears of their own mortality than anything else. In many cases, the desire to have grandchildren is linked to the desire to carry on the family name, family ownership of a business, or simply the bloodline.

In other situations, the concerns regarding your decision to wait or to not have children at all can stem from the desire to relive their own parenthood or worries over your fertility as you get older. Many parents look back at their child-rearing years as the best time of their lives. When those children have left the home, it is the hope and anticipation for grand babies that provides them the most joy.

Whether it is for one of these reasons or something else altogether, it is obvious that your family love you and wants you to be happy. So next time they ask about you starting a family, remember that the feelings tied to the questions likely run deep. For that reason, be considerate and assure the person that you understand and appreciate the concern, but also be firm.

The best way to answer the “When are you having kids?” question eloquently is to understand your own reasons for making your decision. Does the decision tie to financial reasoning? Is genetic illness playing a role in the decision? Are you simply tied to a profession that wouldn’t provide enough time to properly care for children? While you may not want to express them all, you will feel much more certain of yourself if you’ve identified your core reasons for waiting or not having children.

Whatever your reasons are, be sure to point out that despite the questions, comments, and concerns voiced by others, the decision is one to be made as a couple and that is exactly how you intend to make it.

Have you been hounded by family about when are you having kids? How have you handled the questions and kept your relationship healthy? We’d love to hear in a comment!

Easter with the In-Laws As Newlyweds

Are you spending Easter with the in-laws this year? If so, you might be a little worried about how things will turn out. One way to start the holiday off on the right foot is with a hostess gift for your mother-in-law. It shows that you appreciate her hospitality and that you have excellent manners (never a bad thing). Here are a few gift ideas to help you position yourself in the best way possible with your new family members:

1. Easter Colored Chocolate Strawberries – You can make them yourself with this simple recipe or order them from Shari’s Berries. Everyone loves holiday candy, and chocolate covered strawberries elevate Easter treats to a new level!

2. Robin’s Egg Soaps – Help your mother-in-law celebrate spring with this adorable soap collection. It’s a simple, sweet and practical hostess gift, all at the same time.

3. Seasonal Shakers – If you’re completely stumped on what to bring, consider these pewter rabbit salt & pepper shakers. They’ll add a bit of holiday charm to your family Easter brunch or dinner.

4. Upscale Eggs – Indulge your spouse’s family with chocolate truffle filled eggs! No need to wrap, the container is perfect on its own and perfect for Easter with the in-laws.

5. Flower Power – Give a sure-fire Spring gift, a lily of the valley bulb garden. The site and scent will fill the house with Spring and Easter cheer.
Hostess gifts aren’t just reserved for non-family members…so consider taking something to your mom if you’re headed to your family’s house for Easter this year. Every hostess deserves a little thank you goodie.

Those are our best gift ideas for Easter with the in-laws. Should you want to surprise them with your name change, the MissNowMrs app or service can help!

Newlywed Solutions For Juggling Family Celebrations

It’s the beginning of April…time for the panic of realizing that it’s time for juggling family celebrations. For some, the decision is easy and natural, but for most, especially newlyweds, there is a lot of room for hurt feelings and resentment. If you and your spouse are on your way to happily ever after, then both of you must face the realization that with marriage comes compromise and that will become most apparent during holiday celebrations.

Whether an Easter Sunday dinner, Passover or a giant gathering around the Thanksgiving table, holidays are often the setting for the happiest and most memorable moments of childhood. So, it makes complete sense that you’ll feel sad at having to say goodbye to the ways of your childhood in order to make room for an expanding family.

But like it or not, if you want your marriage to have a solid foundation, you will be making holiday compromises very soon. That isn’t to say that you have to bid farewell to the traditions of your family all together. The great thing about holidays is that there are enough to go around. Even if your parents and your in-laws live hundreds or thousands of miles apart, a plan can be made to ensure that some of the customs of your family are experienced even after marriage.

For those who are fortunate enough to have both sets of parents within a near vicinity, the decision making does not have to be so difficult. Even if dinners are scheduled for the same time on the same day, it is possible to dine with one family and share dessert with the other. This can become habit and the parts played can be rotated each year, so both families’ traditions can be welcomed and appreciated.

As for those who have miles separating relatives, the decision may be more difficult, but not impossible. Perhaps your spouse favors his family’s Thanksgiving traditions and you would rather hold onto the Christmastime festivities. In this case spend the first holiday with his or her parents and the second with yours. If this is not the case, then consider cycling. Thanksgiving and Easter with your parents this year and Christmas and New Years with his or hers, but next year those occasions are switched.

The most important thing to remember is that while every couple is different, almost every newlywed makes accommodations around the holidays. Find a routine that works and stick with it so they can be times of celebration, rather than repeated times of stress each year.

What solutions have you come up with to keep both your families happy but also to keep your sanity? Do you cycle, alternate or just have everyone come over to your house? Are your parents or in-laws divorced, causing even more ways to split the holidays? We’d love for you to let us know your solutions for juggling family celebrations in a comment.

Living Up to In-laws’ Expectations: Common Mistakes

Are you concerned about living up to your in-laws’ expectations? One of the more stressful parts of getting married for many women is making a good impression on the in-laws. In some cases, these new family members have been known and well received for years. That sort of head start is certainly advantageous, but it does not always work that way, especially in this day and age when parents often live many, many miles away.

There are a few things that recently engaged individuals and newlyweds frequently do that can make this transition to becoming a member of the family more difficult. To learn more about what you shouldn’t do when seeking the approval of your in-laws, read on.

Avoid Venting It is not uncommon to remain very close with certain members of the family – whether a parent or a sibling – even after moving to another town or another state. Venting, or the act of voicing concerns, complaints, and problems to that person can be very therapeutic. After all, it is someone that you know that you can trust and who will love you regardless of the mistakes you make in life.

However, there is a time to vent and a time to use restraint. When it comes to your spouse (or soon-to-be), the latter is definitely the way to go. Discussing relationship issues with a family member can lead to severed and hard to repair ties that will undoubtedly make your spouse feel like an outcast.

Too Much Hype Okay, so you don’t want your spouse to tell his mother, father, sister, or brother all of your faults in life. Perhaps you don’t want him sharing any of them, but there is some danger that lies in telling only the good or overplaying talents. If you do not see your in-laws often and they are led to believe that you are the ‘perfect wife,’ then surely there will be more room for criticism when visits do occur. Remind your husband that though he loves and cherishes you for everything you are, you want to be able to live up to the image he creates in the minds of his loved ones.

Preparation Craze A final mistake made by many newlyweds is the act of over-preparing for the arrival of their parents. It is very common for people to feel the need to tidy their living space, their personal appearance, and their lives in general whenever parents come into town. Stressing yourself out before your in-laws show up will only put you even more on edge and make it more difficult to maintain your normal cool, calm, collected composure during the shared time. Let them see what your life is really like (no, you don’t always wake up and bake muffins at 6:00 a.m. on Saturdays). It will lead to a better understanding in the long run.

What advice do you have for our newlywed blog readers who are stressed about living up to in-laws’ expectations? Any major “don’ts” that stand out in your own in-law experiences? We’d love to hear from you in a comment!

In-law Visits as a Newlywed: 4 Things to Keep in Mind!

Some of us are very fortunate to have a great relationship with our In-laws, and some of us, well…try to avoid the visits as much as possible! For me, there is definitely travel time involved, so we try to see each side of the family every month and a half, and this has proven to be a healthy balance for all parties involved! Regardless of your situation, here are a few things to keep in mind so that you and your spouse can truly enjoy each visit. Remember, you’re in this together, and family members are part of the package deal when you get married!

1. Frequency: The first item of importance that you should establish with your spouse is how frequent you would like to make plans to visit your families. It is best to come to an agreement on this right from the start, so that you’re not faced with re-occurring arguments years down the road. Whether you have to travel five minutes, or five hours, decide how often you would like to visit with your families, and alternate traveling to see them and having them travel to see you. This will also hopefully establish acceptable visit times so that you’re not receiving the random drop-in!

2. Keep A Positive Outlook: Your spouse loves you, and so does your extended family! Be thankful for what you have and enjoy the people in your life that love and care about you. Most of all, don’t put on a show, be yourself! You’re not playing a role here, you are the wife, and you are fabulous (obviously…otherwise he wouldn’t have asked you to marry him)!

3. Agree to Disagree: Just because they aren’t like your family or they live a different lifestyle and have different interests, doesn’t make it wrong. It’s OK! This is where your spouse came from, and you love your spouse, right?! Besides this makes life interesting, and makes for good stories to share with friends and family!

4. It is What It Is: If you’ve married a real “momma’s boy”, recognize this and know this cannot be changed. Be mindful that more frequent family visits may be in store for you, so learn to embrace it! Often times there seems to be an initial barrier between you and your mother-in-law, for other reasons than the obvious (you’re now the woman in his life), so let’s not make the situation worse. Love her for who she is and open up to a relationship; just make sure that when it comes to your spouse, he knows that you should come first!

How much time do you and your spouse set aside for family visits?! What is your relationship with your spouse’s family? We want to hear the good and the bad, so please share!