In Laws

Looking for name change advice or some tips for newlywed life? The MissNowMrs experts have created state-specific name change articles and checklists for you. We’ve chronicled our recommendations for how to travel while changing your name AND how to handle voting during the transition.

We’ve also compiled our best guidance for how to handle difficult sister in laws, holidays as newlyweds, the ever-annoying baby questions, and much more. Why? Because, while we are name change experts, we’re also newlywed wives, moms, and sisters.

We hope our name change advice articles help smooth your transition to your new name, and a whole new phase of life. Congratulations and best wishes from the entire MissNowMrs team!

Family Getaways: Tips For Vacationing With The In-Laws

Thinking about vacationing with the in-laws? At some point in almost every marriage there will come a day when the family decides to vacation together. Whether with one set of parents or two, this can be both a fun and a stressful undertaking. Taking the right steps before leaving your home can make a big difference in how the vacation proceeds and how well everyone gets along.

Planning is Essential While this is the case, planning in the wrong way can lead to frustrations and hurt feelings. Don’t try to create the vacation agenda completely on your own and don’t dump the project on just one other person. This should be a shared task and each member of the group should have some input. Keep in mind that not all activities have to be done by the whole group. Allow for this in the planning. That also means understanding if not all members of the group want to participate in the things that most excite you.

Expect Some Financial Tension One of the most common occurrences in large family vacations is awkwardness over money. It is rare that all involved participants will have the same financial status at the time of the trip. This makes it easier for some to go off agenda than others. Be prepared for and discuss what the protocol will be when these awkward financial matters arise. It might be an uncomfortable conversation now, but it will avoid similarly stressful situations surrounding “who pays for what” while you’re on your group getaway.

Let History be Your Guide Are you unsure of what to expect while vacationing with the in-laws? Then, ask. Look at old photo albums together or ask your spouse to tell you stories of past excursions. These little insights will likely provide you a better understanding of what is being expected by the other members of your extended family. For instance, if all the best memories from your husband’s family trips are centered around adventures, you might want to plan something like white water rafting or deep sea fishing to ensure that they’ll all be satisfied with the trip.

Plan for Personal Time Even while on vacation, you will more than likely need an escape when traveling with others. It’s a good idea to pack a book, some of your favorite music, magazines, or some other form of personal entertainment, which can be enjoyed when you need to get away from the group.

Also consider scheduling time on your itinerary for couples to go off on their own and enjoy some private time. After all, this is your time to be away from the stresses of life and you will likely want to spend a few of those special moments alone with your spouse.

Have you been on a vacation with your in-laws? How did it go? Are there any tips you’d share with our readers to help them avoid potential pitfalls?

In-laws And Boundaries

Some husband and wives adore their in-laws. Others, well, not so much. You don’t have to adore your in-laws, but if you want your marriage to be happy, it’s important that you learn how to tolerate them, and that you set up some boundaries. Setting boundaries about your in-laws can help to make a marriage run much more smoothly and can stop fights before they even occur. And the best time to set those boundaries is right after the honeymoon is over, so that there is no confusion about what’s going to happen.

Discussion Time:
You can’t set boundaries about your in-laws without having a discussion, so set a date for the two of you to get together, with no interruptions, to discuss your issues. Before you have the discussion make sure that your partner is aware of what the discussion will entail so that they can come to the table ready, and so that they won’t feel ambushed, and you, yourself, should get a list ready of things that you want to discuss.

Remember, during the conversation, that you’re talking about someone else’s family. Even if they have a hard time dealing with their own family, and often say things that aren’t very nice about them, you have to be respectful. You wouldn’t want them disrespecting your family members, even if you have problems with them. They’re family and as such deserve to be spoken about in a respectful tone.

Setting Boundaries:
Once you’re ready to talk it’s time to get down to business. Setting boundaries for in-laws may be a simple process or it may be one that takes some time, and to many couples it may originally feel like making some sort of a contract. These boundaries can be anything, from specific ones to more relaxed ones. Some couples, for instance, enjoy their privacy and so they agree to only visit their in-laws once every few months or so. Others want more contact and agree to go to dinner with their in-laws every few weeks or even more. The type of boundaries that you set are completely up to you. It’s most important to remember that your in-law is your spouse’s loved one, and that you need to take their needs into consideration, which may mean dealing with someone that you don’t care for very much.

What boundaries have you set for your in-laws? Are there any you wish you would have set earlier in your marriage?

Your First Christmas:Tips For Handling Your In-Laws

Oh in-laws. Can’t live with them and can’t live without them. Well, maybe. But the fact of the matter is that the majority of people have in-laws – mothers, fathers, and siblings – and eventually have a holiday where everyone can come together and celebrate. We’ve all heard comedians joke about awful in-laws and dealing with them at the table, but that doesn’t have to be your holiday experience!

Talk to your spouse first. You may be surprised at how helpful it is to know how your partner spent their holidays, that way you can better predict how your in-laws may act. Some families place more significance on some holidays than others. For example, to you Christmas Eve may not be that big of a deal, but your spouse’s family has a whole set of traditions and all sorts of things that they do on that day.

Before in-laws even come over, it might be a good idea to lay out a few basic agreements. For example, you and your spouse have just moved into your new home. Your spouse’s mother typically cooks the turkey for Christmas. But since the holiday is at your home, you want to do the cooking. Let them know! You can always suggest that they bring a favorite dish or two, or that you’d love some help from your mother-in-law, but overall, you want to be the one doing the entertaining.
Taking the time to talk to your in-laws about certain things can help holidays go more smoothly. This can be especially true if you come from a different cultural or religious background than your in-laws. By prepping them beforehand, they will have a better idea of what to expect as well as how to act. Remember, this is your home and your new life – everyone may have their own family traditions, but now is the time for you to start a few traditions of your own. Don’t let family members (from either side!) try to control everything.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t be flexible. If someone suggests an idea and you love it, then go for it! Holidays are about being together, having a good time, and enjoying one another’s company. Allowing variety into the holiday will keep it from being predictable and dull. You shouldn’t have to work too hard in order to make a holiday memorable or special.

By keeping the lines of communication open, remaining versatile when it comes to new ideas, and focusing on having a good time, your holiday should be met with plenty of love and lots of good cheer. Do you have any stories of how you prepared for your first holiday with your in-laws? We’d love to hear about it!

Addressing Your In-Laws: Mom, Mrs. So-And-So, or Something Completely Different?

Anxious about addressing your in-laws? If there’s one thing you’re almost certain to get along with your mate once you get married, it’s in-laws. There are many cases in which you will already know your in-laws, even get along great with them, be invited to family functions and so forth. All of this long before you get married. If this is the case, then great! You’re probably already past the stage of awkward introductions and being unsure of what exactly to call your spouse’s mother.

However, there are occasions in which you may have never had the chance to meet them before the wedding. Perhaps everyone lives too far away for any visits. Whatever the case, at some point the manner of addressing your in-laws will come up…especially during the holidays with holiday cards, gift tags and party introductions.

In general, as with any person, the correct way to start off is by using the traditional Mr. and Mrs. forms. Doing so shows respect and doesn’t make anyone feel uncomfortable, as opposed if you just start calling one of your in-laws “Mom” right away. As time goes by, you may feel more comfortable with them and can either try to transition into a first name basis on your own, or ask if it is all right for you to call them by something different.

Respect is the key to the whole situation. Some families will correct you the moment you finish – but in a good way. Such as:
“Why, hello, Mrs. Winston.”
“Oh, don’t be silly – you can call me Gail!”

And suddenly you’re already on a first name basis. A lot of married couples simply stick with first names. They are familiar enough with their in-laws for this to be normal (after all, Gail is her name).
Of course, there is also the occasional switch to Mom or Dad. Families that are close may transition into this naturally and feel comfortable with it. In-laws might encourage you to call them by these names. If you have no problems with this, by all means call them Mom or Dad. But if you are at any time uncomfortable with doing so, then quietly sit down with them and explain your reasons. They should understand your feelings and allow you to call them by either their first name or by using Mr. or Mrs.

The general rundown of addressing in-laws tends to go from the most formal to the least formal. So unless someone insists you use something else straight from the get-go, over time you should be able to move through these with relative ease: Mrs. Winston – Gail – Mom.

What do you call your in-laws? Were there any truly uncomfortable moments at the beginning of your relationship or unusual name requests when it came to addressing your in-laws? We’d love to hear your comments!