Newlywed Advice

Looking for name change advice or some tips for newlywed life? The MissNowMrs experts have created state-specific name change articles and checklists for you. We’ve chronicled our recommendations for how to travel while changing your name AND how to handle voting during the transition.

We’ve also compiled our best guidance for how to handle difficult sister in laws, holidays as newlyweds, the ever-annoying baby questions, and much more. Why? Because, while we are name change experts, we’re also newlywed wives, moms, and sisters.

We hope our name change advice articles help smooth your transition to your new name, and a whole new phase of life. Congratulations and best wishes from the entire MissNowMrs team!

Say Yes to Your Health

It is incredibly important to say yes to your health. Now that you’re married (and maybe even have children/step-children in the mix) you are faced with the responsibility of taking care of someone else in your life. While this may be true, the ultimate truth is, “The best way to take care of those you care about is to take care of YOURSELF.”

It may sound selfish, but it really isn’t if you think about it. No one benefits from a spouse or parent who is always tired, stressed out, or ill. So let me offer you some of the best ways to make sure you are getting what you need in life to ensure that others will get what they need out of you:

Sleep: You’ve been told this all your life and I’m going to tell you again. Your body needs adequate sleep in order to function, so be sure to get 7-8 hours of sleep every night. If you notice that you are really tired in the morning, try going to bed at least 15 minutes earlier to see if this helps you feel more rested.

Me Time: Be sure to set at least 15-30 minutes (or more) aside each day for yourself. You could read a book, watch your favorite show, sit on your patio and watch the sunset or take a walk…anything that you want to do during that time is for YOU.

Smile & Be Grateful: Try your hardest to smile and think of what you’re grateful for each and every day. Smiling takes less muscles than frowning and makes other people smile too, so just do it! Thinking of your life and everyone/everything in it that you’re grateful for will make you smile anyway.

Simplify Your Life: There’s nothing wrong with making a To-Do List, but recognize the things that don’t really ‘have to’ get done that day. Running around day-in-and-day-out like a crazy person will only drag you down and make you feel exhausted. Remember, your spouse/family will love you just as much if your dinners aren’t always made from scratch or your gifts aren’t always handmade by you. If you have kids in the mix…organizing a carpool to soccer practice so you can alternate days will go a long way!

Learn to when to Say ‘No’ & when to Say ‘Yes’: If you’re traveling every weekend out-of-town for business, or to visit family or college friends you have to realize that turning people down once in a while is exactly what you NEED to do. Obviously, you can’t turn down your boss (in most cases) so unfortunately; your family and friends will need to understand when you need a weekend to relax alone. By saying “no” to another happy hour, bridal shower, baby shower, birthday party you are saying “yes” to yourself. You can still show your thoughts by sending a gift when appropriate, but when your body is telling you to slow down, do it.

Exercise/Eat right: You’re not a teenager anymore, so stop eating like one! You only get one body, so think about how the decisions you make will affect your health. It’s impossible to take care of a spouse or child if you are ill, so remember that the next time you opt out of fruits, vegetables and multi-vitamins!

Tell us what you do to put yourself FIRST. How are you saying yes to your health? We love to be inspired by our readers, so leave your thoughts and ideas by commenting below!

Living Up to In-laws’ Expectations: Common Mistakes

Are you concerned about living up to your in-laws’ expectations? One of the more stressful parts of getting married for many women is making a good impression on the in-laws. In some cases, these new family members have been known and well received for years. That sort of head start is certainly advantageous, but it does not always work that way, especially in this day and age when parents often live many, many miles away.

There are a few things that recently engaged individuals and newlyweds frequently do that can make this transition to becoming a member of the family more difficult. To learn more about what you shouldn’t do when seeking the approval of your in-laws, read on.

Avoid Venting It is not uncommon to remain very close with certain members of the family – whether a parent or a sibling – even after moving to another town or another state. Venting, or the act of voicing concerns, complaints, and problems to that person can be very therapeutic. After all, it is someone that you know that you can trust and who will love you regardless of the mistakes you make in life.

However, there is a time to vent and a time to use restraint. When it comes to your spouse (or soon-to-be), the latter is definitely the way to go. Discussing relationship issues with a family member can lead to severed and hard to repair ties that will undoubtedly make your spouse feel like an outcast.

Too Much Hype Okay, so you don’t want your spouse to tell his mother, father, sister, or brother all of your faults in life. Perhaps you don’t want him sharing any of them, but there is some danger that lies in telling only the good or overplaying talents. If you do not see your in-laws often and they are led to believe that you are the ‘perfect wife,’ then surely there will be more room for criticism when visits do occur. Remind your husband that though he loves and cherishes you for everything you are, you want to be able to live up to the image he creates in the minds of his loved ones.

Preparation Craze A final mistake made by many newlyweds is the act of over-preparing for the arrival of their parents. It is very common for people to feel the need to tidy their living space, their personal appearance, and their lives in general whenever parents come into town. Stressing yourself out before your in-laws show up will only put you even more on edge and make it more difficult to maintain your normal cool, calm, collected composure during the shared time. Let them see what your life is really like (no, you don’t always wake up and bake muffins at 6:00 a.m. on Saturdays). It will lead to a better understanding in the long run.

What advice do you have for our newlywed blog readers who are stressed about living up to in-laws’ expectations? Any major “don’ts” that stand out in your own in-law experiences? We’d love to hear from you in a comment!

In-law Visits as a Newlywed: 4 Things to Keep in Mind!

Some of us are very fortunate to have a great relationship with our In-laws, and some of us, well…try to avoid the visits as much as possible! For me, there is definitely travel time involved, so we try to see each side of the family every month and a half, and this has proven to be a healthy balance for all parties involved! Regardless of your situation, here are a few things to keep in mind so that you and your spouse can truly enjoy each visit. Remember, you’re in this together, and family members are part of the package deal when you get married!

1. Frequency: The first item of importance that you should establish with your spouse is how frequent you would like to make plans to visit your families. It is best to come to an agreement on this right from the start, so that you’re not faced with re-occurring arguments years down the road. Whether you have to travel five minutes, or five hours, decide how often you would like to visit with your families, and alternate traveling to see them and having them travel to see you. This will also hopefully establish acceptable visit times so that you’re not receiving the random drop-in!

2. Keep A Positive Outlook: Your spouse loves you, and so does your extended family! Be thankful for what you have and enjoy the people in your life that love and care about you. Most of all, don’t put on a show, be yourself! You’re not playing a role here, you are the wife, and you are fabulous (obviously…otherwise he wouldn’t have asked you to marry him)!

3. Agree to Disagree: Just because they aren’t like your family or they live a different lifestyle and have different interests, doesn’t make it wrong. It’s OK! This is where your spouse came from, and you love your spouse, right?! Besides this makes life interesting, and makes for good stories to share with friends and family!

4. It is What It Is: If you’ve married a real “momma’s boy”, recognize this and know this cannot be changed. Be mindful that more frequent family visits may be in store for you, so learn to embrace it! Often times there seems to be an initial barrier between you and your mother-in-law, for other reasons than the obvious (you’re now the woman in his life), so let’s not make the situation worse. Love her for who she is and open up to a relationship; just make sure that when it comes to your spouse, he knows that you should come first!

How much time do you and your spouse set aside for family visits?! What is your relationship with your spouse’s family? We want to hear the good and the bad, so please share!

Five Fun Ways To Focus On Your Girlfriends

As a newlywed, don’t forget to focus on your girlfriends. It was just Valentine’s Day, and that means St. Patrick’s Day and Easter are around the corner. As I think about holidays, I wonder why there isn’t a day to celebrate your best friends. Being a newlywed can be all-consuming as you figure out your married life, but don’t forget your buddies from before you tied the knot. Here are a five ways to brighten the days of the ladies that are always there for you.

1. Send a card. Whether it’s sentimental or downright silly, a card will brighten a best friend’s day for as little as 99 cents. It’s really nice to find a surprise envelope in the midst of all the bills and catalogs that come in the mail every day.

2. Give her a call. Do you struggle to keep in touch with long distance girlfriends that have insanely busy schedules? Make a standing phone or skype date where you alternate who calls whom and maybe even plan to pour a glass of wine while you talk.

3. Plan a pedicure. Make a mutual plan to catch up while you have your toes painted. There’s something intensely girly and luxurious about going to a spa with a friend and chatting during your treatments. Be sure to look to see if there are any 2 for 1 specials in your area before you make your appointments!

4. Surprise her with a bouquet. You could leave flowers that you purchased at the grocery store on your buddy’s porch or send a succulent to her office. Just a few blooms will let her know how much you value your friendship and she’ll smile for the entire time that they last.

5. Make a playlist. Do you have songs that instantly remind you of your friend(s) and the times you’ve had together? Compile a list of your favorite friend songs and then make a Spotify playlist for all of you. It’s a great way to walk down the memory lane of your friendship during your daily commute.

How are you planning to focus on your girlfriends? Do you have any fun ways that you keep in touch? Please let us know in a comment.

From Boyfriend & Girlfriend to Husband & Wife

Couples tend to think the transition from being engaged to being married is as simple as 1-2-3, but most married couples will tell you that it isn’t always that easy. With marriage, comes expectations (from both husband and wife…and even from In-laws too) and sometimes those expectations are set quite high. What’s the reason for this? It’s often times pressure to be like another couple, fantasies of a fairytale life or even media influences (i.e. magazines, books, TV shows, and celebrities). Try to put that aside and focus on what’s best for you as a couple by nurturing your relationship.

Love Individual Differences: When you’re dating it’s easy to miss how different the two of you really are, not to mention if you didn’t live together prior to your wedding you’re definitely getting to see a whole other side of your spouse now. It’s important to understand and appreciate your differences. It can be very difficult to live in the same household with someone who doesn’t wash the dishes or do the laundry the way you were taught to as a child, but remember that just because it’s different doesn’t make it wrong. Open your heart and your mind to the person that you vowed to share your life with and laugh about your differences as much as possible. After all, this is what makes you, YOU and the same goes for your spouse!

Invest Time in the Relationship: Dating is easy…you get to see each other when you want to and make plans with friends or family when you need a break. Now that you’re married it’s important to spend quality time together alone. You can plan date nights (i.e. out for dinner, happy hour, attend a sporting event or go to the movies). You should also spend time at home being intimate and talking about your goals and ideas for your life together. They say marriage takes work and it’s true, but it is the most rewarding work you’ll ever do for yourselves!

Make Me Time Important: This was probably the easiest part of dating, as you could plan to have a day or two in between your dates leaving you both time to do what you want on your days “off.” In a marriage it’s not only important to spend quality time together, but is equally as important for you both to have time to yourselves too. Some people like to enjoy a drink and read a book or attend a yoga class, while others like to play video games or peruse the Internet for new hobbies or interests. Whatever it is you enjoy doing, make time to do it even if it’s only once or twice a month.

Learn Together: Dating is all about learning about each other and about relationships in general. Marriage too is a learning process that should continue to grow both inside and outside of your relationship. Knowledge is food for your brain and it’s important to keep learning throughout our lives. You could take a class together on something you both want to become better at (i.e. cooking or dancing) or learn a new language together.

Have a Marriage Idol: Whether it’s your grandparents, parents, a family friend or a couple from your church, you should always have someone you can talk to about marriage. Seeing a successful marriage and always aspiring to be like them is healthy as long as what you are aspiring to be is happy and in love like the other couple.

What has been the most difficult transition for you and your spouse? How are you working through it?