Relationship

Looking for name change advice or some tips for newlywed life? The MissNowMrs experts have created state-specific name change articles and checklists for you. We’ve chronicled our recommendations for how to travel while changing your name AND how to handle voting during the transition.

We’ve also compiled our best guidance for how to handle difficult sister in laws, holidays as newlyweds, the ever-annoying baby questions, and much more. Why? Because, while we are name change experts, we’re also newlywed wives, moms, and sisters.

We hope our name change advice articles help smooth your transition to your new name, and a whole new phase of life. Congratulations and best wishes from the entire MissNowMrs team!

Your First Christmas:Tips For Handling Your In-Laws

Oh in-laws. Can’t live with them and can’t live without them. Well, maybe. But the fact of the matter is that the majority of people have in-laws – mothers, fathers, and siblings – and eventually have a holiday where everyone can come together and celebrate. We’ve all heard comedians joke about awful in-laws and dealing with them at the table, but that doesn’t have to be your holiday experience!

Talk to your spouse first. You may be surprised at how helpful it is to know how your partner spent their holidays, that way you can better predict how your in-laws may act. Some families place more significance on some holidays than others. For example, to you Christmas Eve may not be that big of a deal, but your spouse’s family has a whole set of traditions and all sorts of things that they do on that day.

Before in-laws even come over, it might be a good idea to lay out a few basic agreements. For example, you and your spouse have just moved into your new home. Your spouse’s mother typically cooks the turkey for Christmas. But since the holiday is at your home, you want to do the cooking. Let them know! You can always suggest that they bring a favorite dish or two, or that you’d love some help from your mother-in-law, but overall, you want to be the one doing the entertaining.
Taking the time to talk to your in-laws about certain things can help holidays go more smoothly. This can be especially true if you come from a different cultural or religious background than your in-laws. By prepping them beforehand, they will have a better idea of what to expect as well as how to act. Remember, this is your home and your new life – everyone may have their own family traditions, but now is the time for you to start a few traditions of your own. Don’t let family members (from either side!) try to control everything.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t be flexible. If someone suggests an idea and you love it, then go for it! Holidays are about being together, having a good time, and enjoying one another’s company. Allowing variety into the holiday will keep it from being predictable and dull. You shouldn’t have to work too hard in order to make a holiday memorable or special.

By keeping the lines of communication open, remaining versatile when it comes to new ideas, and focusing on having a good time, your holiday should be met with plenty of love and lots of good cheer. Do you have any stories of how you prepared for your first holiday with your in-laws? We’d love to hear about it!

Newlywed in Bed: What’s Your Temperature

Newlywed in bed? Don’t you just love climbing into bed with your beloved after a long day and drifting off into a peaceful slumber side by side? I think it’s one of the best things about being married! However, there can be a few things to discuss to achieve perfect slumber for both parties in the sack…who sleeps on what side, who’s closest to the window, how many pillows, room temperature etc..

Knowing what kind of sleeper you are can be very helpful in resolving newlywed bed spats.

The Inferno – this newlywed is like a living heat rock that pumps out heat all night long
The Ice Cube – this partner is cold all over all night and may need an electric blanket to be comfortable
The Bulldozer – this individual starts out comfortable, gets hot in the middle of the evening and then bulldozes their covers onto their partner to cool off
The Hog – unglamorous as it sounds, they’re out there, the people who slowly accumulate ALL of the covers and leave their spouses freezing
Snow Toes – this spouse is toasty everywhere but their feet, and looks to warm up those toes on their partner
The Sweater – this is usually an Inferno forced to sleep under a thick down comforter, resulting in a lot of perspiration

Have you identified yourself and your partner? If so, you can start to see how two radically different sleep types might have some trouble getting a good night’s rest in the same bed. For example, if you’re both inferno sleepers that radiate heat as soon as your heads hit the pillow, than you can probably agree on sheets and maybe a light blanket. If one of you is an inferno, but the other is not there will need to be some compromise. Layering on blankets for the colder sleeper can result in the inferno partner sweating throughout the night and creating more laundry for morning.

Lucky for you there is a simple solution to any couples’ sleep combination. Sleep Number has teamed up with MissNowMrs.com to offer one of our newlywed blog readers the chance to win a completely customized Create Your Perfect Comforter (A $280 value)!

The Sleep Number Create your Perfect Comforter is the ideal solution for couples who disagree on bedroom temperature as each side of the comforter can be customized. You get to choose the fill, customize your warmth level and then relax with your perfect comforter. Say goodbye to sleepless nights and blanket wars!

Ready to win our cozy December giveaway? Leave a comment on this, or any of our Newlywed Bed Posts on Mondays this month and you’ll be automatically entered to win. Tell us all about why you and your spouse should win this custom comforter. We’d love to know what lengths you’ve gone to to solve your temperature differences. The randomly selected contest winner will be announced on December 31st!! If we don’t hear back from the winner within 2 weeks, we will randomly select a new winner to make sure someone ends up with this great goodie!

**If you tweet this giveaway by clicking the green retweet button below, you’ll receive an additional contest entry!**

Also, if you’re in the mood for newlywed in bed giveaways, you can win a memory foam bed, a Flexfit adjustable base, and $500 in Sleep Number bedding through Sleep Number’s holiday sweepstakes at: www.sleepnumber.com.

The Scoop on Newlyweds and Divorce

Can you tell by the way a newlywed couple communicates during an argument whether or not their marriage will last? According to a study on newlyweds and divorce conducted by UW psychology Professor John Gottman and Research Scientist Sybil Carrere the answer is YES.

Their 6-year long study published in the fall journal of the Family Process in 1999 indicates that it’s possible to predict which newlywed couples will divorce from the way the partners interact in the first 3 minutes of discussing a disagreement in their marriage. They interviewed 124 couples (married less than 9 months) and 17 couples ended up divorcing by the end of the study.

Women need to learn how to soften their approach when they bring up a problem, while men have to learn how to be more accepting of what she’s saying.

According to USA Today, people are at risk of divorce throughout their marriage; however the U.S. Census Bureau 2004 found that the highest rate of divorce is between 5-10 years of marriage (8 years is the median).

Top Causes of Newlywed Divorce

Poor communication
Financial problems
A lack of commitment to the marriage
A dramatic change in priorities
Infidelity
Failed expectations or unmet needs
Addictions and substance abuse
Physical, sexual or emotional abuse
Lack of conflict resolution skills

(Source: Americans for Divorce Reform)

How to Avoid Divorce

Getting Help. Sometimes you cannot talk to each other effectively because you are arguing too much. Seeking therapy or the assistance of a trusted pastor, family member or friend can help save your marriage.

Look in the Mirror. Not literally, but spend some time really thinking about what you may do to contribute to the issues in your marriage. Nobody’s perfect and we can all stand to make a few changes to become better people.

Love, Admire & Respect. Always show each other (through actions and words) that you love, admire and respect one another. It will go a long way. Putting forth the effort to spend some quality time together will also help keep a strong bond between you and your spouse.

So if you’re anything like me, right now you’re wondering what your chances of getting divorced are, right? Use the Divorce360.com Calculator to find out and share your thoughts on this heavy topic with us! And, should you need help changing your name, check out our awesome name change app and service.

Fight Fair as a Newlywed and Beyond

It’s important to know how to fight fair as a newlywed, if you want your marriage to last. Do you and your spouse disagree on one little thing and somehow it turns into an all-out brawl where you’re screaming about things that happened months or even years ago? If so, one or both of you may be fighting…DIRTY! Below are useful newlywed tips on how to fight fair; and if you use them, you’ll find yourselves in a happier, healthier marriage.

#1. Face Your Fear of Confrontation and Discuss the Issue as soon as Possible-You can’t resolve an issue that you’re too afraid to bring up. It’s time to realize that you have to discuss things that bother you in order for you and your spouse to truly be a team. Marriage requires two people, so speak up! Bottling up your problems will only result in a bigger blowout later on. If you’re in public or somewhere that you don’t feel comfortable resolving the issue at least acknowledge that there IS an issue and set a specific time to talk about it when you’re in a better place/frame of mind.

#2. State exactly what’s bothering you and Stick to the Issue at Hand-Be clear about what specifically made you upset and how it made you feel. Being as detailed as possible will help your partner understand your point of view and will present the best (and sometimes obvious) ways to resolve the issue. Often times, individuals begin arguing about crumbs on the counter and it turns into “and I hate when you do this and I get annoyed when you do that!” Stay focused on what occurred here and now to upset you.

#3. Avoid Generalizing-Try not to say, “you always” or “you never” because these words cause people to be defensive and could cause your spouse to lash out at you.

#4. If Your Spouse Says You Do Something, Then You most-likely do… (Trust Your Spouse)-Your partner will say that you do something and your response is, “I DO NOT!” Trust that your spouse knows you well enough by now that he/she will not lie to you about what he/she sees.
#5. Avoid Personal Insults-Don’t say things that you can’t take back (and will regret later on). Attacking your spouse’s character or appearance is something that may truly hurt them and they will remember it and dwell on it because it came from your mouth.

#6. Listen (You May Learn Something)-You are NOT always going to be right! Listen to what your spouse is saying when you have a conflict. This way you will learn what went wrong and avoid doing it again.

#7. Confront to Resolve, Not to Win-This is not a competition or a game. The sooner you both realize that the happier you will be. Think about it, no one truly wins when you argue. Winning is what happens when you’re able to resolve an issue and not re-visit it.

#8. Always Remind Spouse that You Love Him/Her-I will stand by this every time. Let your partner know that you love them after your issue is resolved. Using those three words is the most obvious way, but a warm embrace or a passionate kiss is another great way to lighten the mood/tension between you two. And hey–there’s nothing wrong with making-up all night long…

Tell us: What do you think about this list of ways to fight fair as a newlywed? What will you do differently the next time you and your spouse find yourselves in an argument to avoid WWIII?

Newlywed Art Advice: Compromise

Do you need some newlywed art advice? Art is defined as: the creation of works of beauty or other special significance. That being said, there is a very wide range of ideas about what is and isn’t art. Newlyweds are the most likely segment of the population to experience this variance in a very personal way. As you combine your worldly goods, you may be in for some surprises in the art department!

For example, you may have a framed Monet print and know that it is indeed art by most people’s standards. Your husband may see the same print as a really blurry elementary school project while his framed Chicago Bulls poster (from college) is worthy of the prized spot over your living room couch. What can a newly married couple do?

Hopefully you both can compromise on your tastes and use your collective art to decorate your home. If your partner has one particular piece that drives you crazy, consider offering him a trade. Tell him he can select any item out of your wall art to give to Good Will as long as you can do the same thing. You need to be willing to part with the fuzzy kitty inspirational poster from high school if you expect him to get rid of something that is important to him too.

Compromise is the way to go unless your beloved’s art collection includes naked women that you find offensive, images of his previous girlfiend(s)/wife, or truly gory/scary stuff. In that circumstance you need to hold your ground and stoop to calling his mother about the situation if necessary. For most of you, you know your spouse well enough that art won’t result in major conflict in your marriage. If there is some unhappiness about a certain wall or section of your home, consider selecting a piece for that spot together. That way you’ll both enjoy the view.

Need new art for your house or to compromise? Art.com is giving one of our newlywed blog readers the chance win an 18×24 printed canvas image (or 25×31 framed image) valued at $150 to hang in their home! Talk about an inspiring giveaway! The Photos to Art feature on Art.com will allow our winner to upload an image of her choice (be it wedding, honeymoon or even a favorite family photo) and translate it onto high-quality photographic paper or artist-grade stretched canvas. The result? A high-quality, large-scale, beautifully-finished and ready-to-hang wall art.

Ready to win our awesome November art giveaway? Leave a comment on this, or any of our Newlywed Art Posts on Mondays this month and you’ll be automatically entered to win. Tell us all about the photos from your wedding and honeymoon. We’d love to know what image you’d want to have printed and where you plan to hang it. The randomly selected contest winner will be announced on November 30th!! If we don’t hear back from the winner within 2 weeks, we will randomly select a new winner to make sure someone ends up with this great goodie!

What did you think of our newlywed art advice? Was it helpful? We’d love to hear from you in a comment.