Relationship Archives

Jul 08 2010

5 Newlywed Rules to Throw Out the Window

One of the most annoying things that will happen to you upon becoming a newlywed is receiving unwanted, unsolicited advice from other people (both single and married)! They will bombard you with all of the ‘Newlywed Rules’ and tell you how to live your life the ‘right way’ in order to be happy. My question is: How do they know what makes you and/or your spouse happy? And what’s with the cookie-cutter way of living life, anyway?! Some of the most common rules are as follows along with reasons why you don’t have to follow them:

Rule #1: Spend All Free Time Together
We are hoping that you already realize that this is not possible and could be quite boring! If you DO end up spending ALL your free time together you’re not only going to run out of interesting things to talk about, but you will also lose touch with your family and friends. You may also find yourselves fighting more because you are sick of each other! So, get out once in awhile and enjoy catching up with friends or having time to yourself!

Rule #2: Stop Hanging Out with your Single Friends
Wait, what?! The idea that you and your spouse are a married couple and should work on replacing your single friends with other married couples is just ridiculous. It’s a great idea to have a mix of married and single friends so that when you decide to host a dinner or Super Bowl party there’s more than just one ‘type’ of person in your crowd. It will make for more interesting and dynamic conversation and an overall better time!

Rule #3: You Must go Out on Dates to be Happy
While my husband and I stick to having at least one Date Night per week (we don’t have children yet—and realize that it gets trickier when you add them to the mix), it is not necessary that you and your spouse go OUT on a date each week. Date Night doesn’t always have to mean dinner at your favorite restaurant and a movie at your local theater (that could seriously put a strain on your budget)! Your date could consist of a night at home cuddled up on the couch with your spouse. Do what works for the two of you and don’t worry about what the definition of a date is to other couples.

Rule #4: You should both Share a Last Name/Bank Account/Gym or Country Club Membership/Etc.
Nowadays 86.6% of women change their name in some way due to marriage, but that doesn’t mean that you have to. Many women are opting to have 2 last names (with or without a hyphen) or to replace their middle name with their maiden name. Now men are even changing their last name to their wife’s last name upon marriage and some couples are changing both their last names to a new last name! With all these choices out there, why would you worry about what someone else wants you to do?

It’s okay if you and your spouse decide to keep your own last names or separate bank accounts and just split the bills in half. Believe me, companies are going to accept your payment whether it comes from one check or a combination of two checks—they just want the bill paid on-time! As for your gym membership–if you attend a private Yoga or Pilates class and your spouse has a membership at a different gym, don’t feel obligated to make changes to your fitness routine. Sometimes you can save money by combining your memberships, but if there’s not that big of a difference in price or you’re not worried about losing the money than keep attending your own classes (and consider it ME time)!

Rule #5: Make a 5-Year Plan
If you are the type of person who sets goals and has a better chance of achieving them by writing them down on paper, than do it! Some people tend to stress out if they don’t reach their goals in the time they allotted to do so and end up dwelling on the idea of failure when this happens. If you are more-likely to freak out if you miss a deadline, then making a 5-year plan could be a bad idea for you. You will drive your spouse crazy with your what ifs, should have, could have, would haves! Why not just enjoy the first few years of marriage without having to worry about your deadlines to: buy a house, start a new career, start a family, go on a 2-week European vacation, etc.?

We spend so much time worrying about someone else’s idea and vision of the perfect life that we forget to just LIVE ours! Remember, it doesn’t matter what other people are doing to make their marriages work because they aren’t a part of yours. No two marriages are exactly alike and what works your grandparents, parents, in-laws and friends may not work for you. So, focus on making sure you and your spouse are happy. Keep communicating, laughing, loving, and enjoying your fabulous life together!

We’d love hear what crazy ‘Newlywed Rules’ you’ve heard since your nuptials. Leave us a comment below and start a discussion with other Newlyweds!

Jun 30 2010

Could This Be The Perfect Time for a Weekend Getaway?

Have you made time for a weekend getaway? Remember when you and your spouse were dating and you would surprise each other with planning something special for just the two of you? Maybe you would make a special meal for them and the two of you would spend quality time at home together or they would plan a weekend getaway for the two of you to enjoy a mini-vacation. Think long and hard–when was the last time that you actually enjoyed uninterrupted quality time together?

Money might be tight right now (since you just had a wedding, or maybe you bought a home.) But that’s no reason to forego planning a weekend away. It doesn’t have to be any where extravagant to be a good time.

So, here are a few ideas for a weekend getaway (some more budget-friendly than others, but all are sure to be a great time for the just the two of you)!

Spend the night at a Bed and Breakfast or your favorite hotel: If you ‘re lucky enough to live in the country or a mountainous area a Bed and Breakfast could be one of the most romantic places to go for the weekend. You get to ‘feel like home,’ but without the stresses of cleaning or cooking dinner.

Plan a Spa Weekend: Set up an appointment for a couple’s massage and the two of you could lie there and forget all your worries while someone takes care of your muscles. Check out spaweek.com for reputable spas near you!

Plan a Camping Trip: All you need is a tent and a sleeping bag (or two) and you could look at the stars all night while indulging in some delicious s ‘mores.

If a weekend away is too much you could try these one day adventures:
Visit a Local Amusement Park: Stop denying yourself of your inner-child! Everyone remembers when they were young and how much fun it was to ride the roller coaster over and over again.
Plan a Picnic: Visit a local park and have a picnic lunch or dinner. You could go bike riding or hiking while you’re there too; which allows the two of you to enjoy your time together and counts as your cardio workout for the day!
Visit a Local Winery: Lots of wineries offer free tastings and most don’t even require a reservation! If your winery has a deck/patio with tables, you could purchase your favorite bottle and enjoy it with some cheeses, grapes and snacks from home—just pack a small cooler!

No matter how busy your lives may seem, always remember that your relationship should come first. It’s not always that easy, but if you make it a point to surprise each other once in awhile with something fun, you’ll both truly appreciate it!

Jun 23 2010

Honeymoon Stage: Is This For Real?

Are you in the honeymoon stage? One of the most exciting new statements in your vocabulary once you are married is, “This is my husband!” After being married, you’ll hang out with couples (both dating and married) and will most-likely hear a lot of, “Oh, you’re still in the honeymoon stage.” This is one of those statements that you don’t necessarily want to hear because you’re not sure how to take it–and what does that mean anyway?

My husband and I have decided after two years of marriage that there is no such thing, and in fact we have grown closer and are even more in love today, than the day we got married! I continue to ponder the concept and meaning of ‘the honeymoon stage’ and guess people may associate it with characteristics such as: a consistent glow or aura of happiness, PDA’s, or classic gentleman moves like opening doors and pulling out your chair. These characteristics are considered to be quite romantic to most women and we ALL want to feel the utmost love and appreciation in our relationship. It is so exciting to see young, married couples that are truly the best of friends and madly in love. It’s even more endearing when you can find this in a couple that have been married for 15, 25, 35+ years, where this love and friendship has continued to grow stronger with time.

So now when people say to my husband and I “You must still be in the honeymoon stage,” I take this as a compliment, as I am happy to hear that others can visibly see the kind of relationship that my husband and I share– and that is something to truly be proud of and smile about no matter what ‘stage’ we may or may not be in!

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Jun 10 2010

Divvying Up The Newlywed Dirty Work

Newlywed dirty work. What’s that?! Newlywed couples often find themselves arguing over who’s going to take care of the chores in their daily lives. It’s tough when you both work full-time jobs or have opposite schedules to figure out what works best for you as a couple. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed by responsibilities and feel like YOU do it all, but before you rip into your spouse for not pulling his weight around the house think about everything he DOES take care of by making a list.

If your list is completely one sided, it may be time to discuss splitting the household chores ASAP for your own sanity! Some couples are lucky enough to work the same schedule allowing them to partake in chore duty together, even making them fun. If you and your spouse aren’t one of these couples, you can still allocate the chores and get them done on your own time.

Here are some of the most common, laborious chores that couples despise along with a few helpful tips on how to share the burden!

Cooking: One of you could prepare dinner and the other could be in charge of washing the dishes. You could even alternate nights and take turns trying new recipes with each other. One way to keep it interesting is to recipe swap with family members or friends. You may find that you and/or your spouse aren’t cut out to be the next Iron Chef, but that you enjoy cooking and most of all, the time spent learning how to cook together!

Cleaning: It’s best not to leave all the cleaning to one person (lets face it, it’s boring and it’s not fair!) A family member once told me that she kept her house ‘clean enough’ at all times just in case someone stopped by unexpectedly. I remember thinking at the time what wonderful advice that was from a full-time working Mother and it has stuck with me over the years. You don’t want to be embarrassed because you haven’t dusted in weeks or there are dirty dishes piled up in your sink.

So, you should designate a couple of hours one day per week to dusting, vacuuming and cleaning the rooms. It works out best if you divvy up the tasks (and switch from week to week to break up the monotony of your routine). If one day per week seems like too much work for your busy schedule, at least try to keep the rooms that your guests would see spotless and then clean the rest of your house as time permits!

Money: Ugh, bills! Lucky for newlyweds today, we have the option to pay our bills online alleviating us from having to sit down at the kitchen table and manually write out checks to every company–like our parents and grandparents did. However, it’s very common to allow one person to handle the finances leaving the other in the dark as far as where the money goes each month. Be sure that you both know what’s going on when it comes to your finances so that if one of you is out-of-town or unable to take care of the bills, the other one can simply fill-in. It’s easy to miss a payment if you don’t know when it’s due or worse, you don’t know how to access your online banking account to press the payment button!

Laundry: Hand-wash, hot, cold, colors, whites only, wash but don’t dry—with all these instructions who could blame a man for not wanting to voluntarily take on doing the laundry?! Some couples prefer to stick to the “I’ll do mine and you do yours” method, but if you wish to help each other out it is probably best to do it together the first few times. This way you could show your spouse how to separate the colors from the whites and explain what gets washed using what cycle, detergent, etc. This will ultimately (hopefully) keep him from shrinking your favorite shirt into something even Barbie wouldn’t fit into. Not to mention, you could have a make-out session during the spin cycle turning the laundry into something he will surely want to do again!

We’d love to hear your solutions for divvying up newlywed dirty work. Please share in a comment below!