Relationships Archives

Just 5 Minutes

How many times have you asked your spouse for “just 5 minutes” of their time? Did he/she give you those 5 minutes or did you get a list of a million and one reasons why “now is not a good time?” Too often we believe that our time and needs are more important than the time and needs of our spouse. After 4+ years of marriage I’ve figured out that our needs are equally important (don’t judge me…you know you’ve put yourself first before too)! Time is precious (lets face it, we’re all busy and/or stressed out about work, bills, etc.) so why not take those few extra minutes to slow down and enjoy one another’s company or make our spouse’s life a little less stressful?

Here are some examples of what you can do for your spouse that take just about 5 minutes or so and could result in YOU making his/her day that much better!

1. Take out the trash
2. Rub or scratch his/her back
3. Hug/Kiss
4. Hit the snooze button for an extra few minutes of cuddling time (a.k.a “spooning”)
5. Listen to how his/her day was
6. Feed and/or walk the dog
7. Throw in a load of laundry and/or fold a load of clean laundry
8. Pick up his/her favorite adult beverage to enjoy together at home
9. Pick up his/her favorite take-out to enjoy dinner at home (sans cooking)
10. Pack his/her lunch for the next day

It’s the little gestures and things that matter most in married life (and life in general), so the next time your spouse asks you for “5 minutes” remember that he/she wouldn’t ask if they didn’t really need you.

What is your initial reaction when your spouse asks you for “5 minutes?” What do you do for your spouse (or does your spouse do for you) to make life a little bit easier?

Know Your Role: When to Speak & When to Keep Quiet

How do you know your role as a friend? When do you speak up, and when do you stay quiet? Obviously, we’re never going to get along with everyone that we cross paths with in life, but you hope to maintain and continue developing on certain relationships with those who have always been close to you! So, what do you do when one of your close girlfriends has fallen in love with someone whose presence annoys you and everyone else around you, and you find his company and conversations to be anything but enjoyable!?

Whether or not you have been personally faced with this issue, you most likely know someone who has. So a friend has been dating this guy for quite some time now, and you just know the ring is on its way! Often times, between the girlfriends, we will commiserate (gossip) together and play rock, paper, scissors, to see who is going to step forward, and express our concern to our friend.

This is an extremely fine line, as you could either end up helping her see your perspective and understand your worry, or you could end up losing a friend! I would believe the latter of the two happens more frequently than not, so you both or all end up losing in the end. I can see both sides of the situation, you want to support your friend and be there for her no matter what, but on the other hand, you want to ‘save’ her from what you believe to be an escalating bad situation.

After explaining this scenario to a neutral party, I believe I have heard the best advice yet, so I wanted to share it with you, and also find out your opinion. The next time you hear of this situation or you find yourself in it, put your own feelings aside and think about your friend’s feelings, by asking yourself these two questions:

1. Does she love this man and does he love her?
(Although you may find him to be personally annoying, do they seem to treat each other right, i.e. respect one another’s needs and wants in their relationship).
2. Are they truly happy together?
(Does your friend constantly have a smile on her face when they’re together and does she speak positively about him and their relationship)? This is where you will find your answer!

Have you found yourself struggling to know your role? Please share your advice with us, tell us how you reacted, and what was the outcome!

Music and Marriage: A Montage for Life

Choosing the right music for your wedding can be a very important step in the planning process. After all, these are the moments that will be remembered for a lifetime and the perfect song is sure to amplify the experience for your special guests. Yet, it isn’t just in those few treasured hours that melodies will play an important role in the relationship with your spouse. In fact, music can be a sort of mortar that holds two people together.

When choosing the right harmonies for your big day, keep in mind the moments you have shared together thus far. Most often, the songs with the greatest meaning are those that are a reminder of something that has already occurred. Even if you have decided on ‘the song’ chances are that at some point during your relationship a song played as the two of you danced, kissed, or otherwise enjoyed each other’s company. Maybe there was a song that made you both laugh while riding in an elevator. Perhaps one served as a backdrop the first time you ate in your favorite restaurant. Was there music playing when he proposed? These are the types of special moments that cement a relationship between two people, so using the music from them will pay homage to them before all of your family and friends.

As your marriage blossoms, don’t forget to listen to those special ballads or upbeat melodies from time to time, as a means of rekindling the love that existed on your wedding day. Also, leave room in your life for many shared songs in the future. If you hear a song that makes you think of your spouse while driving, then take down the name of it and the artist so you can share it with him or her later. In intimate moments, let music play in the background or get up and dance when a favorite comes on the radio.

Music can serve as an emotional trigger to the brain. It can carry the person through time and space to recall, in near perfect detail some long forgotten moment in the past. It doesn’t even have to be a momentous occasion like your wedding day. It can be something as sharing in a silly little dance in your very own kitchen or changing up the lyrics with each other while seated among millions.

Through the magic of music those moments will be remembered forever. So use that to your advantage and make many lasting memories with music as you grow old together. Who knows how many songs will make you smile as you celebrate your golden anniversary!

What was your favorite wedding song? Do you have a tune that always reminds you of your newlywed days? We’d love for you to share via a comment.

Balancing Marriage And Guy Friends

Recently I ran across this great article about ways to remain happy in your marriage, and the article made a reference about married men and women, having friends of the opposite sex, so I wanted to share this with you and find out your thoughts! Platonic friendships seem to be very prominent and normal in some marriages, yet in others, it is something that is not looked at as Kosher. My husband and I both have friends (some old, some new) of the opposite sex that we will keep in touch with from time to time and see once in a blue moon.

At this point in our life, a best friendship with a member of the opposite sex that includes one-on-one bonding time may not be considered appropriate for us, however, we both agree that it is important to have friends of the opposite sex. We feel as though it’s healthy for us to be able to hang out with and converse with people- male and female, without feeling as though there are restrictions or jealous feelings between us! Personally, I have seen that men more readily accept a female having male friends, than a woman to accept a male having female friends. Let’s be honest, some of us women are like cats (at times I can be one of them), we are naturally structured to be more territorial and yes maybe more jealous than a man, so we don’t want another woman to have a friendship or get too close to what is ‘ours’! For others this is a completely normal concept and neither husband nor wife is bothered by or has a problem with opposite sex friends. I believe this is one of those topics that is completely situational, and based upon the individuals themselves in the relationship, and your personal feelings on the issue. No matter how you want to look at it, the bottom line comes down to your respect for one another and knowing your boundaries!
Be courteous and respectful of your spouse’s feelings. If one of you isn’t comfortable with the other’s friendship with someone of the opposite sex, then you need to talk about it. Remember, communication is key to an amazing marriage! What are your thoughts on this? Do you and your spouse have friends of the opposite sex? Please share your thoughts!

Compassion Leads to Passion

Did you know that compassion leads to passion in a marriage? We all know that not every day in life is the best day ever…as a matter of fact we also know that none of us are immune to bad days, weeks, months and unfortunately even years. When I have a bad day all I want to do is go home and be with my spouse. Truly, nothing makes me feel better than a nice warm embrace from him because he knows what to say or how to act to put a smile back on my face. He is a compassionate person by nature. Are you?

I consider myself to be a compassionate person because when something goes wrong in someone else’s life I naturally find myself thinking of ways I can attempt to make them feel better (i.e. by listening, being a shoulder to cry on or even through humor). Compassion, by definition is a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering (Dictionary.com).

As a spouse you should always want to make your husband/wife feel better when they’re down, but the truth is that sometimes you don’t know what to do or say. There are circumstances that unfortunately almost nothing will make your spouse feel better in that moment (i.e. a death or loss of job); however, that doesn’t mean you can’t just be there.

Here are a few things that may help your spouse feel better the next time he has a rough day:

Cook their favorite meal: We know the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, so if you get home before he does whip up his favorite meal (even if it isn’t part of your strict diet). No time to cook his favorite meal? Try taking him to his favorite restaurant instead…there’s no prep in that!

Watch their favorite movie: So what if you’re not into war movies or raunchy comedies like he is…just cuddle up with him on the couch and know that you are helping him feel better. Here’s a list of 50 Best Guy Movies of All-Time in case you need a little direction…sorry ladies, but The Notebook didn’t make the list.

Give them a massage: The poor guy’s feeling stressed out and could use a good rub down. You can use massage oils or lotion if you have it…if not, I’m sure he’ll be happy with your hands all over him.

Give them a surprise in the bedroom: Dress up in your sexiest lingerie, give him a lap dance, or…we’ll leave it up to your imagination!

The point here is to always do whatever you can to make each other happy because life is too short to do anything less. Have you found that compassion leads to passion in your own marriage? Tell us what you do/have done to make others feel better in their time of need.