Relationships Archives

Nov 09 2010

Newlywed Public Relations

As a single woman you knew exactly how you thought of yourself and had your own standards of public behavior. Now that you’re a newlywed, you need to consider the best way to represent you and your spouse as a couple. The spectrum ranges from Mr. & Mrs. Perfectly Plastic to Mr. & Mrs. Public Tantrum Throwers. Frankly, I don’t believe that anyone wants to be either of those extremes. How your relationship functions in and out of the public eye is completely up to you and your partner. A little prior planning can help prevent a poor public image of you and your marriage.

Here are a few newlywed tips for you:
Make a dispute plan. If you are both at a party or out with friends and disagree on something, what should you do? Some couples can shelve the issue and discuss it privately at a later time. Others might need to excuse themselves to immediately work things out. Having a plan in place before a potential blow up can help you both keep your cool in public, but still deal with the problem at hand.

Accentuate the positive. You shouldn’t fabricate stories about your perfect newlywed life, but you also shouldn’t do a dissertation on how terrible your husband is about leaving the toilet seat up. You married the love of your life…so be proud of him and shine a positive light on him. Imagine how you would feel overhearing your spouse complimenting your cooking versus complaining that it took you 45 minutes to pick out your party outfit. Take the initiative and say something sincerely pleasant about your husband, whether or not it makes it back to him, your marriage will be better for it!

Manage expectations. If you’re a social butterfly and your partner is more of a lone wolf, you might have very different expectations for how to enjoy a party. Perhaps your husband would like you to introduce him to other guys at the party with similar personalities or he might just want to hang out with you as you mingle. Discussing what would make both of you happyand comfortable before going out, should result in a great time for everyone instead of a potentially awkward “we should go now” situation.

Have fun. You know your husband and he knows you, so use that intimate knowledge to do things that you both enjoy. If you have a girlfriend who wants to go to the ballet, why drag your poor husband? Take your friend to the performance and then come home and go out for cocktails or a movie with your man. This way you both win and there’s no need for a difference in likes or dislikes to cause chaos in your lives!
Navigating as a newlywed couple can take some getting used to. By following our tips and putting each other first, you should have a smooth transition and be known as “that great newlywed couple” instead of some less than desirable description.
Do you have any tips for maintaining your relationship in public and in private? We’d love for you to share them in a comment!

Looking for more newlywed advice? Our experts are her to help

Nov 05 2010

When Your Sister-In-Law is a Jealous #$%^*

If you were expecting a new shopping and spa buddy, it may seem strange that your sister-in-law would be jealous of you and your spouse, but it’s surprisingly common. So, we have some helpful tips for what to do when your sister in law is jealous!

The issue may arise because she sees you as a potential threat to her bond with her sibling. She’s had them for so many years either as a big sibling to look up to or a loveable little brother/sister. But, now you’re in the picture, permanently, most likely with a new last name. Sometimes a sister-in-law will view this as her sibling being taken away from her. Now you get them all to yourself and she gets less time to be with them.

Kill Your Sister In Law with Kindness

Even though you know this isn’t true, you may find yourself stuck with a rude and downright mean sister-in-law. The troubling part is that while you may get hit with the brunt of her crappy attitude, your spouse may never see any of it. This may lead to many frustrating discussions in which you try to tell your partner about her bad behavior, only to be told it’s nonsense and the sister-in-law is not the person you are making her out to be.

Her behavior can vary. She may completely ignore you when you are talking or she may say rude things and, in general, be very negative. Whatever her attitude, it’s important that you not react to it. Remember – she is the one with the problem. Not you. There’s no reason to let her anger and issues get to you. Instead, you can kill her with kindness. People often don’t know what to do when they are mean and instead of seeing a frustrated response, get a smile and a pleasant comment. If she sees you as easily angered or flustered, then she will realize she has control.

Take Back Control

Your sister-in-law should not have control over you. You married your spouse because you loved them – anything she says should not be able to change that. You should plan to take back control (if necessary) by ignoring your sister-in-law at the right times and being polite the rest of the time. She will soon realize that everything negative that she does has no effect on you. This may result in her attempting to amp up her rudeness, but in doing so out of frustration, it may betray her to your spouse, thus bringing the whole issue into the light and shutting down the problem completely. Or she may discover that you aren’t there to steal away her beloved sibling and that you are a good person and she is in the wrong.

It can be frustrating and annoying, but by sticking to your guns when your sister-in-law comes around, you should be able to disarm the situation and eventually become friends with her. Still struggling with a sister in law who is jealous? Here’s another helpful article on the topic.

Name Change Help

While we can’t directly help you with your sister in law situation. We can absolutely help you with your name change. Check out our name change after marriage checklist for tips on saving time and stress!

Help Me Change My Name

Here’s a video about what to do when your sister in law is jealous

Nov 04 2010

6 Bad Newlywed Habits That Can Ruin Your Marriage

Skip these newlywed habits that can ruin your marriage ladies! We all know the odds are stacked against us newlyweds these days with the divorce rate through the roof (50% being 1 out of 2 marriages), so now more than ever couples need to keep the lines of communication open and honest.

There are so many things that can ruin a marriage and no one is perfect! Try to stay away from the following bad habits and rest assured that the bond between you and your partner will continue to grow together rather than apart.

Bad Habit #1: Keeping Secrets. Whether it’s about finances, friends or your career; there’s no room for secrets in a marriage. I’m not talking about when your best friend says, “Swear you won’t tell anyone about…” I’m talking about hiding big purchases, not talking to your spouse about your feelings, etc.

Bad Habit #2: Disorganization. You may find that from time to time your home office looks like a bomb went off, but if your entire home is in disarray it may be time to do some serious housekeeping! Being disorganized will cause you both to feel anxious and out of control. It could cause you to miss due dates on important bills, adding unnecessary stress to you and your spouse; which will undoubtedly strain your relationship.

Bad Habit #3: Confiding in Relatives and Friends instead of your partner. One of the best parts of being married is always having someone to confide in and not having to worry about being judged for your opinions. You certainly would not appreciate finding out that your husband/wife confided in a parent, friend, co-worker or neighbor about something that he/she should have trusted you with. It hurts, don’t do it.

Bad Habit #4: Constant Criticism. It’s ok not to agree with each other all the time (you are allowed to be individuals with your own opinions); however nagging your spouse constantly about the little things that really do not matter in the scheme of life will result in a lot of fighting and negative feelings in your marriage.

Bad Habit #5: No Sex Life. Careers, children and other responsibilities and obligations are the cause of exhaustion—we all get it! Remember sex is one (major) key to a happy marriage and without it the two of you will be left feeling disconnected and will be more like roommates rather than husband and wife. Get out the lingerie and pretend like you’re dating again so you don’t become one of the 15-20% of couples in a sexless marriage (sex 10 or less times per year—yikes)! You can watch videos for advice on this topic, and to get a better understanding of just how many couples will experience this issue in their marriage.

Bad Habit #6: Forgetting the important words. Saying please and thank you have always been important words in my house, but saying I love you each and every day at least once is the most important. While actions may speak louder than words, reminding your partner that you love them is the utmost important thing you can ever say to them.

Can you add to our list of newlywed habits that can ruin your marriage? Tell us another bad habit that you avoid and why. You never know whose marriage you could be saving just by sharing your thoughts!

Oct 05 2010

Newlyweds: 6 Tips to Bring Your Marriage Back to Life

Do you need a few tips to bring your marriage back to life? There are so many responsibilities in life that keep piling on your plate as you grow up, and may begin to interfere with your “alone” time with your spouse. Schedules can be so hectic that your marriage unintentionally is put on the back burner, causing frustration and tension to grow between the two of you, and your daily schedules may naturally become somewhat of a routine, and you simply go through the motions. If you have transitioned into parenthood, then you surely know that your life becomes kid-centric, as your attention, your emotion, and your everyday activities are focused on your little one now rather than each other.

If you’re experiencing this, you’re not alone, but the important thing is to recognize when your lifestyle is hurting your marriage, and then do something about it! Just as all things in life, it’s good to find a ‘healthy balance’ in all that you do.

Here are a few ideas to help keep your marriage alive and healthy:

*Surprise your spouse- who doesn’t love a surprise?! Sneak a note in your spouse’s lunch, or their brief case, just letting them know how much they are appreciated and loved!

*For parents – have a dinner date one night a week (after the kids are in bed) to relax together and enjoy one another’s company. Not a parent yet? You and your spouse could go out on a date once a week or as your schedules and budgets allow. Try going to a movie or dinner at your favorite restaurant.

*Day time chat- if you don’t normally communicate with your spouse during the work day, call, text, or write a quick email just to let the other one know that although you’re busy, you are still thinking of them, and while you’re at it you may want to even throw in some naughty comments that you wouldn’t say in front of the kiddos (however, keep the freaky emails to your personal email account, not your work email—otherwise you could find yourself in the HR Office or worse)!
*PDA’s – need I say more?

*Go for a walk with your spouse and hold hands. You will both benefit from the exercise, the physical connection and the uninterrupted adult conversation that distractions such as children, TV, internet, blackberries, iphones, etc. don’t permit!

*Think about what the two of you would do when you first got together…do it again! Sure you’re older and wiser, but you’re still a couple in-love…now show each other (and have some fun doing it)!
What have you done to rekindle your relationship? Our readers would love to know your tips and tricks to a happy and healthy relationship, so please leave a comment.

Sep 29 2010

Marriage Advice: Heavy Topics Create Light Hearts

It’s time for a little marriage advice ladies. It took you (and your spouse, if you’re one of the lucky ones) your entire engagement to plan your wedding and less than a second to say “I DO.” Was there any time in there for you to have a serious conversation on what your expectations on marriage were and what makes up a successful marriage?

Couples often times spend so much time thinking about every last detail that goes into the perfect wedding that they forget that life as newlyweds (and the responsibilities that come with your new status as a married couple) begin the moment the wedding is over! Ok, maybe that was a bit over dramatic…but it certainly begins upon returning from your honeymoon.

It’s so important that prior to your marriage you discuss topics that will surely come up in your future. You may be thinking, well it’s too late now—we’re already married, but I’m hear to tell you that it’s not!

Here are important topics not to be taken lightly that the two of you as a couple should put some thought into:

What do we expect in terms of how our marriage will work?
This includes having a clear discussion on the following: When do we plan to start a family and how many children do we want? Will we have pets? Will we share household responsibilities such as: cooking, cleaning and paying the bills?

Do we understand each other’s communication style and how will we resolve conflict?
How will the two of you handle conflicts in your relationship? It’s not as easy as it was when you lived separately or when you were dating and you could hang up the phone and talk tomorrow. Discuss how the two of you will work together to resolve any issues that may arise in the future.

What do we expect from our sexual relationship?
This is some serious marriage advice. Discussions about what you need and expect sexually from your partner could definitely help alleviate future arguments!

Do we have a financial plan?
Remember that upon marrying someone, you acquire their debts (if they have any). You should definitely know each other’s credit history (i.e. credit score) as this will have a direct affect when you file for a loan to purchase a home or vehicle. If one of you has credit card debts or school loans, you will both be paying them off. You may also want to discuss whether or not you will have separate or joint bank accounts. It’s best to be upfront about finances because surprises are nice, but not when they come in the form of financial stress!

How will spirituality play a role in our marriage?
You will more-than-likely know whether or not your spouse has a spiritual background, but do you know if you believe the same things? Will you actively practice your religious beliefs as a couple? Having a belief system could help you both with any future struggles, although issues could arise if one of you is more spiritual than the other.

Discussing these tough topics may be awkward at first, but in the end these are some of the topics that can make or break a marriage. So, make it a point to sit down and communicate to benefit your married union, and it will only help you as you start a family and go through this crazy thing we called life…together!

What do you think of our marriage advice? Did you discuss any of these topics with your spouse? How did you feel afterward? Was it beneficial or a waste of time?